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Thursday, August 27, 2009

Two Songs On My Mind

~In Shallow Seas We Sail _ by Emery~
I got eyes in the back of my head and I see where you're going with this.
I'm not surprised. You take me for a fool. Maybe you're right.
If I was wiser I would not have let myself come here tonight.

You're such a sap. You never learn.
Here I am watching the summer fading. (The summer we shared fades away with the winter)Your hands were warm on my face. Now they're crashing away. (Your hands were cold now...)Slowly pushing me away. Pushing me away. (Slower than icy veins slowly pushing me away)

I knew it (I knew it) right from the start.
I've got this big, big hole in my heart.
I wanted (I wanted) to put you in.
But for some reason you just wouldn't fit.
You just wouldn't fit.

You're such a sap. You never learn.
Here I am watching the summer fading. (The summer we shared fades away with the winter)Your hands were warm on my face. Now they're crashing away. (Your hands were cold now...)Slowly pushing me away. Pushing me away. (Slower than icy veins slowly pushing me away)Pushing me away.

Lust kept giving men so many regrets.
Just this once is what we tell ourselves.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Ships don't sink if they have wind in their sails.
But if the wind fails, is there hope for me? (I guess your love...)I thought your love was safe. The promise you made...(wasn't so safe, the promise you made...)

Now I am drowning in your shallow sea; I swim.
(you are the storm, the wind and the waves.
you break me in two and toss me away)

You are the waves that toss me in.
(I fell apart when I fell for you)

How can I float above the water that fills my lungs?
(you are the water filing my lungs,
killing me softly without a word)

Killing me softly without a word.
(Without a word...)

~Crumble to Pieces _ by Phil Wickham~
You raise me beyond the skies, into a city of eternal light
Looking down on the stars, I fly into heaven, caught up in your arms

I Breathe Your fragrance, taste your goodness,
Crumble to pieces
Into Your love
In Your presence all my existence
Crumbles to pieces
Into Your love

I’m speechless what can I say
Words become tears
As You wipe them away
All my kisses and crowns at your feet
Fire of heaven burn love over me

It’s such a beautiful story
I’m face to face with the King of glory
You rescued someone unworthy, I know this is love

..Two very different bands, genre of song. Yet they both are christian and they both sing about love..

Window into my life

well i have bacterial pneumonia...nothing more i can say about that, other than i simply enjoy the fact that i finally know why the heck i have (and still am) coughing out my lungs.

im going to UTA and find that it is a superb college.
  • my english teacher (aka the hulk) loves anime and punctured a mans lung at the age of 15.
  • my astronomy teacher is too controlling, trying to go further in her own skooling experiance. but the subject matter is good enough for me to stay positive
  • my art, im still working out her. she's sort of an indian hippie, "free up your arms and wrist, so the pencil can flow" or something like that. my peers are awesome enough, lol tami vu is in there too, irony since she was in my ap art class, which may haunt me. the class is a basics course, so she teaching pretty much how to hold the pencil, which in both instances just and ridiculously unjust...but i'll get over that paradox oxymoron whatever.
  • my political science teacher is on the alaskan youkon border on a police and rescue assignment for the first 2 weeks of skool. this guys means business, and he is going to be a great teacher, but the class just might kill me hears his website

you can click "2311" under 'univ of texas announcements' to read his address to my class

  • My film/video teacher seems to be similar to me, in several instances. which is good to some extent. ive already think ive got some cool classmates to co-film all of our projects with. this course is going to make or break me in my hopes and dreams on going into the cinema business. pressure

Socially, I've got...well not a lot going on currently, since im quarentined in my room. But ive got some amazing friends in my life.

In spite of the fact God has taken them far away from me these amigas are some of the most amazing girls i know

Morgan: has always been someone i can look up to (spiritually) and i can always count on her to be iron when i need to be sharpened. she is a great example for any christian.

Kelsey: is very near and dear to my heart. she is half my comedy act, (pun intended) by her choice. Short jokes are my terms of endearment towards her.

Stephanie: is the newest in my circle of friends. But thats totally ok, she's a really fun person to be around, especially if you happen to be a fan of sister act 2. Also! she makes an ample amount of bizarre noises (and we'll hopefully make them for one of my movies in the years to come)

Back home ive got a slew of friends such as Becca, & Becca Rhodsey, Sara Kelley, Matthew, Kreider and Colin.

The Becca's are my artist sisters in Christ, and im thankful for our steadily growing/intertwining relationships. (since they are attending Uta as well)

Speaking of Mavericks, sara kelley is one of those and ive throughly appreciated our relationship. She's always checking up on me, when im sick or EMOtional. We share many similar interests, and old high skool friends. gitchy gitchy goo, sara.

now for my boys, they are all my accountability partners, and always have been there for me along my christian pilgrimage. Especially when having long talks about the womenfolk in our lives.

Kreider: formerly my missions, dnow and youth camp sleeping buddy. sadley thats over and done with. unless he comes to UTA likes he's thinking about doing. he's maturing in the Lord superbly, and is a great percussionist.

Colin: i would almost like to say i can look to him as a mentor. i know he would just shrug his shoulders or something since he doesn't really like compliments. He is genuine in our bible study discussions and everyday conversations. We shared many a loud car ride listening to great music, and great bands. Tu tienes mas mi corazon, senor Colin.

Matthew: oh matthew know me better than anyone other person on earth. He and i have been living frighteningly, amazingly, and sometimes comedically similar lives! and we like to believe God had originally designed us as one person, but realized it would have been too much greatness and talent in one person. so he divided us. but i wouldn't ask for it any other way are the david to my jonathan, and your love is greater than that of a womans! remember that.

Now slow down these aren't the only people in my life, there are still a great number of friends who i cherish to have in my life. But these were the ones i chose for this blog. I care for and want to be a part of pratically all the relationships God places on my path, but He gives and takes away. I cherish the works he does through and in them! :)

I was going to close with a song by Phil Wickham, but i changed my mind (and will blog it right after this one with two emery songs) BECAUSE i really wanted to share this video, that has already brightened my day up 3 times today! i hope you enjoy it as much i do!!! and believe me this is has really no relation at all to what we've been discussing other than the fact that it makes me extremely happy! so don't even try to guess what it is, just click the link. :D :D :D :D

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Loving oneself

It has been said you cannot love another without first loving yourself...otherwise you'd be hypocritical, right?

A friend of mine needs reasons for loving herself

so here are a few:
you are genuine
you are honest
you are caring
you are a teacher
you are a pretty devoted sister
you are encouraging
you are comforting
you are funny *discrestion advised* ;)
you are fun to be around
you are a lover
you are a independant person, who knows when and how to depend on others
you are understanding
you are a gifted person
you are a passionate person
you are a person who effectively uses her gifts (artistically for one example)
you are a listener
you are a child of the King who you love because He UNCONDITIONALLY loves you, because He made you, sent His son for you, who died and rose again for you.

These are some reasons to love yourself...they are some of the reasons why i love you, and why we are best friends...

i pray this helps is unfortunate that my phone was lost in a glitchy zone amidst my house...i wish i could have been there for you when you had first texted me, but i did not receive it until 30 minutes later.

bottling up

tonight i totally overreacted i thought/tweeted:

"this is one of the worst nights ever! i want to shoot myself in the someone else can feel some pain..because right now it seems to be just me."

i hate dissappointing people, and as a result i do my best to make everybody content, happy....which i know I KNOW is impossible to keep everyone happy 24/7.

tonight i what i saw as an opportunity but the Lord did not, but i would not see His way. So when i finally came the point where i was emotionally felt as if i was about to be quartered (by horses like they did back in the day). i caved in to his way... and i was incredulously angry.

on top of all of this lies the blessing/curse that i have been given; which is the gift to see every positive/silver lining of any negative situation. i believe this credit should be given to the holy ghost living inside me. and once i realized this (earlier on this evening) i did not like that idea...for then it seemed there would never be a genuine lash, or outburst of emotion geunuinely seen and experianced by another person...and i saw many emotions past present and future bottling up... and i did not want to explode and so i let go of some of it the tweet, and the rest thrived in my thoughts...

self control is hard thing...i have used it well many a not perfect though. i will try to never see it as a curse ever again.