Time and Tide, Love

So its been several a month since my last post, alot has happened:

• cut down that ol' relationship/affair down to a measley acquaintanceship...buts thats more or less because im thick in the head and struggle in understanding her, or women in general.
• struggled a HUGE DEAL with pornography, trying to fill whatever void of imaginative lovelust i had. this brought me a greater deal further off course of my relationship with Jesus Christ. which is horrible.
• therefore i made a COVENANT (which is super serious business) with two of my closest brothers in Christ. this has really helped me alot! im so proud of them.
• i aced my first semester in college. :D im now in my second semester. im at UTA, studying art...film more or less.
• Christmas was unreal. very wonderful, my favorite time of year, bought AND made a lot of gifts. and Celebrated the REAL gift, which was God given us His son Jesus. i praise them everyday for their forgiveness and grace, and love.
• God used me as a tool to lead my cousin back to where he wanted to rededicate his life to Christ. which has been good for him.
• Im actually leading the young mens bible study on thursday nights, with my brother The Tank. my bearded covenant brother is finally back in school, and even though I MISS HIM GREATLY, i know we are all where we are supposed to be.
• everyday i recognize the fact more and more that me and my best friend Matthew are 21st century replicas of David and Jonathan from the bible (1 Samuel 18:1 & 2 Samuel 1:26). i wouldnt have gotten far without him in my life.

Amongst all that ive had my shares of up's and down's and the inverse of sorts, and variety of adventures along the way, involving: lots of gasoline for my NissanObot, girlfriends, best friends, sisters, brothers, movies, cinemarks, IMAX's, cookies, popcorn, ice cream, video games, zombies, music, music, music, pastels, inks, and nepaleonese paper.

Tonight ive had a fickled day of stress and depression accumlated from my sheer dislike of excessive desicion making, however i just watched Pirates of the Caribbean At World's End, (which is awesome) and know deep down that...it would matter

p.s. the last 3 bold words is reference to a skillet song called "would it matter" off their new album AWAKE.

pp.ss. i plan on having a spectacular adventure, involving the sea and maybe my marriage on a pirate ship.

T T F N [ta ta for now]
Love,
Phillip

Two Songs On My Mind

~In Shallow Seas We Sail _ by Emery~
I got eyes in the back of my head and I see where you're going with this.
I'm not surprised. You take me for a fool. Maybe you're right.
If I was wiser I would not have let myself come here tonight.

You're such a sap. You never learn.
Here I am watching the summer fading. (The summer we shared fades away with the winter)Your hands were warm on my face. Now they're crashing away. (Your hands were cold now...)Slowly pushing me away. Pushing me away. (Slower than icy veins slowly pushing me away)

I knew it (I knew it) right from the start.
I've got this big, big hole in my heart.
I wanted (I wanted) to put you in.
But for some reason you just wouldn't fit.
You just wouldn't fit.

You're such a sap. You never learn.
Here I am watching the summer fading. (The summer we shared fades away with the winter)Your hands were warm on my face. Now they're crashing away. (Your hands were cold now...)Slowly pushing me away. Pushing me away. (Slower than icy veins slowly pushing me away)Pushing me away.

Lust kept giving men so many regrets.
Just this once is what we tell ourselves.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Ships don't sink if they have wind in their sails.
But if the wind fails, is there hope for me? (I guess your love...)I thought your love was safe. The promise you made...(wasn't so safe, the promise you made...)

Now I am drowning in your shallow sea; I swim.
(you are the storm, the wind and the waves.
you break me in two and toss me away)

You are the waves that toss me in.
(I fell apart when I fell for you)

How can I float above the water that fills my lungs?
(you are the water filing my lungs,
killing me softly without a word)

Killing me softly without a word.
(Without a word...)

~Crumble to Pieces _ by Phil Wickham~
You raise me beyond the skies, into a city of eternal light
Looking down on the stars, I fly into heaven, caught up in your arms

I Breathe Your fragrance, taste your goodness,
Crumble to pieces
Into Your love
In Your presence all my existence
Crumbles to pieces
Into Your love

I’m speechless what can I say
Words become tears
As You wipe them away
All my kisses and crowns at your feet
Fire of heaven burn love over me

It’s such a beautiful story
I’m face to face with the King of glory
You rescued someone unworthy, I know this is love

..Two very different bands, genre of song. Yet they both are christian and they both sing about love..

Window into my life

well i have bacterial pneumonia...nothing more i can say about that, other than i simply enjoy the fact that i finally know why the heck i have (and still am) coughing out my lungs.

im going to UTA and find that it is a superb college.

• my english teacher (aka the hulk) loves anime and punctured a mans lung at the age of 15.
• my astronomy teacher is too controlling, trying to go further in her own skooling experiance. but the subject matter is good enough for me to stay positive
• my art teacher.....eh, im still working out her. she's sort of an indian hippie, "free up your arms and wrist, so the pencil can flow" or something like that. my peers are awesome enough, lol tami vu is in there too, irony since she was in my ap art class, which may haunt me. the class is a basics course, so she teaching pretty much how to hold the pencil, which in both instances just and ridiculously unjust...but i'll get over that paradox oxymoron whatever.
• my political science teacher is on the alaskan youkon border on a police and rescue assignment for the first 2 weeks of skool. this guys means business, and he is going to be a great teacher, but the class just might kill me hears his website http://faculty.tcu.edu/rmillsap/index.htm

you can click "2311" under 'univ of texas announcements' to read his address to my class

• My film/video teacher seems to be similar to me, in several instances. which is good to some extent. ive already think ive got some cool classmates to co-film all of our projects with. this course is going to make or break me in my hopes and dreams on going into the cinema business. so...no pressure

Socially, I've got...well not a lot going on currently, since im quarentined in my room. But ive got some amazing friends in my life.

In spite of the fact God has taken them far away from me these amigas are some of the most amazing girls i know

Morgan: has always been someone i can look up to (spiritually) and i can always count on her to be iron when i need to be sharpened. she is a great example for any christian.

Kelsey: is very near and dear to my heart. she is half my comedy act, (pun intended) by her choice. Short jokes are my terms of endearment towards her.

Stephanie: is the newest in my circle of friends. But thats totally ok, she's a really fun person to be around, especially if you happen to be a fan of sister act 2. Also! she makes an ample amount of bizarre noises (and we'll hopefully make them for one of my movies in the years to come)

Back home ive got a slew of friends such as Becca, & Becca Rhodsey, Sara Kelley, Matthew, Kreider and Colin.

The Becca's are my artist sisters in Christ, and im thankful for our steadily growing/intertwining relationships. (since they are attending Uta as well)

Speaking of Mavericks, sara kelley is one of those and ive throughly appreciated our relationship. She's always checking up on me, when im sick or EMOtional. We share many similar interests, and old high skool friends. gitchy gitchy goo, sara.

now for my boys, they are all my accountability partners, and always have been there for me along my christian pilgrimage. Especially when having long talks about the womenfolk in our lives.

Kreider: formerly my missions, dnow and youth camp sleeping buddy. sadley thats over and done with. unless he comes to UTA likes he's thinking about doing. he's maturing in the Lord superbly, and is a great percussionist.

Colin: i would almost like to say i can look to him as a mentor. i know he would just shrug his shoulders or something since he doesn't really like compliments. He is genuine in our bible study discussions and everyday conversations. We shared many a loud car ride listening to great music, and great bands. Tu tienes mas mi corazon, senor Colin.

Matthew: oh matthew matthew..you know me better than anyone other person on earth. He and i have been living frighteningly, amazingly, and sometimes comedically similar lives! and we like to believe God had originally designed us as one person, but realized it would have been too much greatness and talent in one person. so he divided us. but i wouldn't ask for it any other way and...you are the david to my jonathan, and your love is greater than that of a womans! remember that.

Now slow down these aren't the only people in my life, there are still a great number of friends who i cherish to have in my life. But these were the ones i chose for this blog. I care for and want to be a part of pratically all the relationships God places on my path, but He gives and takes away. I cherish the works he does through and in them! :)

I was going to close with a song by Phil Wickham, but i changed my mind (and will blog it right after this one with two emery songs) BECAUSE i really wanted to share this video, that has already brightened my day up 3 times today! i hope you enjoy it as much i do!!! and believe me this is has really no relation at all to what we've been discussing other than the fact that it makes me extremely happy! so don't even try to guess what it is, just click the link. :D :D :D :D

http://www.tangle.com/view_video?viewkey=cc3411858b588c7e6746

MuSic

AHH music sweet sweet music...

it captures the entirety of my soul tonight

the strings consist of such beautimous instruments

Hanz Zimmer is such a magnificent composer

note after note a composition leads the imagination of the souls who dare to dream and listen

may be captured in the emotion filled stories of the measures.

On and on the messages & paintings of music can be interpreted, played, portrayed, composed, written, told, and sung in such immeasurably captivating ways.

~Take my Hand- Shawn McDonald~

Take my hand to the promise land

And on You I want to stand‘Cause I cannot do it on my own

You’re what I need and I need to be

Right by Your side ‘cause I cannot hide

Lord, I know that I need You

Na na na na na na na na na, I need You

Na na na na na na na na na, I need You

Without You I’m so alone

I am weak but You are strong

You pick me up when I’m falling down

And I am cryingOut to You inside of my heart

I need You, Lord, oh so, for the part

I want You to have my life, Jesus

I fall to my knees

And I’m begging You, please, oh, Lord

Won’t You change me

Make me new from the inside out

I want to shout out Your name

~Gravity-Shawn McDonald~

The ways of this world are grabbing a hold

Won’t let me go, won’t let me fly by

It takes it’s toll down on my soul‘Cause I know what I need in my life

Don’t let me lose my sight of You

Don’t let me lose my sight

I don’t want to fall away from You

Gravity is pulling me on down

I don’t want to fall away from You

Gravity is pulling me to the ground

This world keeps making me cry

But I’m going to try, going to try to fly, going to fly high

Don’t want to give into the sin, want to stay in You ‘til the end

Don’t want to lose my sight of You

Don’t want to lose my sight

I want to flyInto the sky

Turn my back on this old world

Leave it all behind

This place is not my home

It’s got nothing for me

Only leaves me emptiness

And tears in my eyes

~Sailing on a Ship- Phil Wickham~

A voice is on the wind

It calls me further in

I'm heading deeper into Your heart

Your mark is on my chest

My sails filled with your breath

You guide me by the light of the stars

I'm sailing on a ship that's bound for life

I wrestle with the wind against the tide

I leave it all behind to each for more

I'm sailing on to Your golden shore

Though skies go blue to grey

And I'm thrown from wave to wave

You still will hear these lungs singing hard

With every storm I faceI find a greater grace

That pulls me deeper into Your heart

I'm sailing on a ship that's bound for life

I wrestle with the wind against the tide

I leave it all behind to each for more

I'm sailing on

To where the water's running sweet and bright

The sun is rising in the eastern sky

I leave it all behind to reach for more

I'm sailing on to Your golden shore

~Divine Romance- Phil Wickham~

The fullness of Your grace is here with me

The richness of Your beauty’s all I see

The brightness of Your glory has arrived

In Your presence God, I’m completely satisfied

For You I sing I dance Rejoice in this divine romance

Lift my heart and my hands

To show my love, to show my love

A deep deep flood, an Ocean flows from You

Of deep deep love, yeah it’s filling up the room

Your innocent blood, has washed my guilty life

In Your presence God I’m completely satisfied