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Tuesday, August 4, 2009

bottling up

tonight i totally overreacted i thought/tweeted:

"this is one of the worst nights ever! i want to shoot myself in the someone else can feel some pain..because right now it seems to be just me."

i hate dissappointing people, and as a result i do my best to make everybody content, happy....which i know I KNOW is impossible to keep everyone happy 24/7.

tonight i what i saw as an opportunity but the Lord did not, but i would not see His way. So when i finally came the point where i was emotionally felt as if i was about to be quartered (by horses like they did back in the day). i caved in to his way... and i was incredulously angry.

on top of all of this lies the blessing/curse that i have been given; which is the gift to see every positive/silver lining of any negative situation. i believe this credit should be given to the holy ghost living inside me. and once i realized this (earlier on this evening) i did not like that idea...for then it seemed there would never be a genuine lash, or outburst of emotion geunuinely seen and experianced by another person...and i saw many emotions past present and future bottling up... and i did not want to explode and so i let go of some of it the tweet, and the rest thrived in my thoughts...

self control is hard thing...i have used it well many a not perfect though. i will try to never see it as a curse ever again.

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