~Reasons and Seasons~

Like a phoenix...

2011-10-07T14:45:00.000-07:00

This blog is burning, and a new one is birthing.

Live Long and Prosper.

Who do you love?

2011-09-15T23:48:00.000-07:00

When was the last time you told someone "I love you."?

So, I’ve been dabbling with the thoughts of “love”; I’m not just talking about romance, or love between two persons. I’m talking about that as well as your family, and your friends.

I think there are times we’ve de-synthesized the phrase. I care about so many people…but I’m human and I think to myself, what does real love look like…

Regardless of religion, race, background, I believe this definition holds true, and serves as a strong guide to love.

“And now I will show you the most excellent way!
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all the mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man(woman), I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know in fully, even as I am fully known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.

~~2 Corinthians 13~~

The next time you say “I love you” to someone dear, think about it, don’t just say it, mean it. Honor and cherish the person you care for. If we all put others first, the world would be that much greater of a place.

p.s. the “putting away childish ways” part, that does not mean we stop watching cartoons, or stop singing disney songs, or stop acting like ninjas. It means that we are not always self-seeking, to the point of holding grudges, judging others, not forgiving, being rash, assuming, and stubborn. It means stepping out of the center of your universe and placing someone else on your throne.

What are your thoughts? :)

What do you do that is wrong?

2011-08-12T22:39:00.000-07:00

I just watched "The Help". it's about civil rights, and tells the sad reality of African maids during the beginning of the civil rights movement. My mom was very taken by this movie "thought provoked" if you will, and stated:

"Those people thought they were christians...they didn't see anything wrong with how they treated the African Americans...They thought they were doing what Jesus would do."

"It was just such a huge reality in there standard lifestyle, they didn't recognize it as wrong."

-said my stepdad

Then my mom asked: "Is there something we do today as christians (or not) that is wrong, yet it's so engrained in our lifestyle that we cannot see it?"

That's the question i leave you with for now. I'll be thinking some more and do a follow up post.

PLEASE SHARE YOUR OPINIONS!

The Help, is one of the best civil rights movie i've seen in years. (above is the book that started it all)

Comic-Con 2011 - Community Panel: Comic Con 2011 - Video - NBC.com

2011-07-25T12:11:00.000-07:00

Comic-Con 2011 - Community Panel: Comic Con 2011 - Video - NBC.com

Community Season 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't wait for this next season. My favorite show ever.

There and Back again

2011-07-19T16:59:00.000-07:00

...a hobbit's tale by Bilbo Baggins.

I can't wait for the "The Hobbit" to come out on the big screen.

I haven't blogged a post in a really long time.

But I think I might start back up again.

My Favorite Youtube videos ever! Secret Agent Bob rules.

2011-06-01T12:37:00.000-07:00

My Top 101 favorite movies

2011-06-01T12:19:00.000-07:00

1)The Jungle Book

2) Curse of the Black Pearl

3 )Stranger than Fiction

4 )I Love You, Man

5) The Emperors New Groove

6) Zombieland

7) The Hangover

8) Muppet Treasure Island

9) About a Boy

10) Aladdin

11) How to Train Your Dragon

12) Day at the Races

13) Night at the Opera

14) The Hunchback of Notre Dame

15) The Fellowship

16) The Two Towers

17) The Return of the King

18) Muppet Christmas Carol

19) 3:10 Yuma

20) Mulan
21) Sherlock Holmes (Downey Jr)

22) Iron Man

23) Jimmy Neutron

24) Stardust

25) Bartok the Magnificent

26) The Dark Knight

27) Wall.E

28) Monsters Inc.

29) The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe

30) The Great Muppet Caper
31) Fly Boys

32)Hoodwinked

33) Alice in Wonderland (Burton)

34) Ratatouille

35) The Majestic

36) City Slickers

37) We're Back

38) Live free or Die Hard

39) The Lion King

40) The Great Race
41) On Stranger Tides

42) Dead Man's Chest

43) At World End's

44) Accepted

45) The Princess Bride

46) Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

47) Hook

48) Inception

49) Finding Nemo

50) The Muppet Movie
51) Casino Royale

52) Toy Story

53) Toy Story 2

54) Toy Story 3

55) Space Jam

56) Thor

57) Iron Man 2

58) Bugs Life

59) The Lion King 2

60) Enchanted
61) Night at the Museum
62) Mary Poppins

63) Robin Hood (Disney)

64) Beauty and the Beast

65) Cool Runnings

66) Home Alone

67) Home Alone 2

68) The Princess and the Frog

69) Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1
70) Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
71) Scott Pilgrim vs. The World

72) The King's Speech

73) The Legend of the Guardians the Owl's of Gahoole

74) 101 Dalmatians

75) Kung Fu Panda 2

76) The Hangover Part II

77) The Proposal

78) Pretty Woman

79) Bruce Almighty

80) Megamind

81) The Big Lebowski
82) Treasure Planet

83) Definitely Maybe

84) The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy

85) Where the Wild Things Are

86) She's Out of my League

87) Transformers

88) To Save a Life

89) Moulin Rouge

90) The Mask

91) Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog
92) Martian Child

93) Muppets From Space

94) Something Something Something Darkside

95) Pooh's Grand Adventure

96) Oliver!

97) Babe

98) Up

99) I am Legend

100) The Men who stare at goats

101) Rush Hour 2

Do you really have a brain?!

2011-05-03T10:19:00.001-07:00

An Atheist Professor of Philosophy was speaking to his Class on the problem Science has with God. He asked one of his new Christian students to stand.

Professor: You are a Christian, aren’t you, son? Student: Yes, sir. Professor: So, you believe in God? Student: Absolutely, sir. Professor: Is God good? Student: Sure. Professor: My brother died of cancer, even though he prayed to God to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But God didn’t. How is God good, then? Hmm? (Student was silent) Professor: You can’t answer, can you? Let’s start again, young fella. Is God good? Student: Yes. Professor: Is Satan good? Student: No. Professor: Where does Satan come from? Student: From.. God. Professor: That’s right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world? Student: Yes. Professor: Evil is everywhere, isn’t it? And God did make everything. Correct? Student: Yes. Professor: So who created evil? (Student didn’t answer) Professor: Is there sickness? Immortality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don’t they? Student: Yes, sir. Professor: So, who created them? (Student had no answer) Professor: Science says you have 5 senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son.. have you ever seen God? Student: No, sir. Professor: Tell us if you have ever heard your God. Student: No, sir. Professor: Have you ever felt your God, tasted your God, smelt your God? Have you ever had any sensory perception of God, for that matter? Student: No, sir. I’m afraid I haven’t. Professor: Yet you still believe in Him? Student: Yes. Professor: According to empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, Science says your God doesn’t exist. What do you say to that, son? Student: Nothing. I only have my Faith. Professor: Yes, Faith. And that is the problem Science has. Student: Professor, is there such a thing as Heat? Professor: Yes. Student: And is there such a thing as Cold? Professor: Yes. Student: No, sir, there isn’t. (The Lecture Theatre became very quiet with this turn of events) Student: Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don’t have anything called cold. We can hit 458 Degrees below Zero which is no heat, but we can’t go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of Heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it. (There was a pon-drop silence in the Lecture Theatre) Student: What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness? Professor: Yes. What is night if there isn’t darkness? Student: You’re wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have Low Light, Normal Light, Bright Light, Flashing Light… But if you have No Light constantly, you have nothing and it’s called Darkness, isn’t it? In reality, darkness isn’t. If it is, You would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn’t you? Professor: So what is the point you are making, young man? Student: Sir, my point is, your Philosophical Premise is flawed. Professor: Flawed? Can you explain how? Student: Sir, you are working on the Premise of Duality. You argue there is Life and then there is Death, a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, Science can’t even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life, just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor, do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey? Professor: If you are referring to the Natural Evolutionary Process, yes of course, I do. Student: Have you ever observed Evolution with your own eyes, sir? (The professor shook his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument was going) Student: Since no one has ever observed the Process of Evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a Scientist but a Preacher? (The class was in uproar) Student: Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor’s brain? (The class broke out into laughter) Student: Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor’s brain, felt it, touched or smelt it? .. No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established Rules of Empirical, Stable and Demonstrable Protocol, Science says that you have no brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures? (The room was silent. The Professor stared at the student, his face unfathomable) Professor: I guess you’ll have to take them on Faith, son. Student: That is it, sir.. exactly! The link between man and God is Faith. That is all that keeps things alive and moving! ---------------------------------------------------- That student was Albert Einstein.

Hypoctypical and Stereocritical

2011-04-30T22:08:00.000-07:00

DISCLAIMER: None of the following is meant to be rude, or judgmental. This is solely a lesson I've learned, and what I've taken from prior encounters.

Tonight I realized that actions can define us, and stereotype us.

I know what you're thinking: "DUH!"

But do we really think about this?

One specific action doesn't truly express one's whole self.
But one specific action can stereotype you.

All it takes is one time, and you're stuck in it, until proven otherwise.

If someone knows you've been drunk, and then you act like you're drunk, to pull someone's leg, most people aren't gonna put it past you.

If you actively cuss, and then you curse in someones direction, but you try to tell them you weren't, it'll take strong evidence to prove otherwise.

One specific action, and people aren't going to put it past you.

This scares me as I try to think about what I've done, and hope I am not too far gone to realize any stereotypes I may have put myself in.

Do people see you, the way you truly want to be seen?

(La nuit du chasseur)

2011-04-24T23:47:00.000-07:00

I really really REALLY enjoy this song! can't believe I saw these guys live. wowzers. :)

This song is so great to dance to, Shannon really out does himself on the drums.

Bella Notte

2011-04-19T23:34:00.000-07:00

So I'm seeing the truth of this song perfectly proven in many relationships around me.

and it's not so much to the gravity of marriage...or cheating really, but moreover your significant other can rip out your heart one day and then make it sing for joy the next.

Here's to all the healthy relationships, and Here's to hope that keeps all relationships alive!

EMOTIONS!

2011-04-15T22:49:00.001-07:00

GAH. i love them, i hate them.

Thank God, I'm strong to not be crazily driven by them 24/7, because that'd get me in trouble.

it's like I'M COMPLETELY HAPPY, and then 5 minutes later i see someone else doing something that makes me happy, but i'm not with them, and i get all jealous and angry.

BUT THAT'S NOT OKAY. because i was completely fine before that.

i could count the ways, i should be happy for them, for doing something so rad.

good grief charlie brown.

hypocritically speaking

2011-04-14T00:00:00.000-07:00

I let a curse word or two slip ever week it seems, but it's mostly because I goofed at sports or something.

I think cursing at someone, just makes the situation dumber, and non conclusive, it only stirs up more anger.

Cursing doesn't make the issue go away, there's hardly ever satisfaction for it.

this is all of course just my opinion. :P

Uwezo

2011-04-04T09:24:00.000-07:00

Running

streeeeeeeeeetch

STOMP

streeeeeeeeeetch

STOMP

the world is my hamster wheel

Embarking.

Screenwriting is way too much fun.

Trying not to get a big head.

Learning.

Joy is peering it's head on the horizon,

shining light and breaking apart the bland.

It's like clay,

Sculpting Stories.

Building Characters.

Scoring Plot.

Mbio ni kuwa na kukimbia na wale wote wapate

Abed is my hero.

2011-04-01T13:57:00.000-07:00

"One Man Disney Movie" Nick Pitera Disney Medley Music Video

2011-03-29T13:26:00.000-07:00

Rule #32 enjoy the little things

2011-03-03T00:26:00.000-08:00

I'm going on spring break with my best friend in the entire world!

I'm officially labeled a "FILM/VIDEO" major, and can continue forward in it.

Kathryn ^^ she's too awesome for my own good, but I'm glad she is sticking around.

I'm gaining another mentor (meaning i now have two). i am becoming a mentor myself!!! woah thats just crazy, but God's working and its really scary but im growing a lot and that is bien.

its cool when one goes through tough times alongside a bestfriend like me and matthew are doing

i'm writing screenplays.

I'm watching Phineas and Ferb. lol

succeeding the challenges of old school photography.

juicy juice

Disney

drawing

doodling

listening

jamming

enjoying

marinating

living

praying.

"You wrinkled my brain"

2011-02-15T22:42:00.000-08:00

So tonight at the BSM, in our Trinity House small group, God blew my mind with this revelation.

we were reading 2 Corinthians 5 - 6:2 and the question came up, "how does the gospel provide hope for the hopeless?" and people started talking about how He gives them hope, something to hold on too. duh. haha :)

My train of thought began to chug along a in a slightly different direction, and i thought about how alot of us Christians talk about how God fills us up, He replaces the gap in our hearts where we have previously filled it with sin or simply other people (who are not God, and will cannot be depending on to be perfect, like our God). HOWEVER...

God doesn't come inside us to fill us and make us whole.

"For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And He died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for Him who died for them and was raised again. -2Corinthians 5:14-15"

We live in God, basking in His wholeness...for He is the only being to ever live who is whole all the way through. We feel whole when we are living IN Him.

this really made my night. Thanks God. :)

Do you really have a brain?!

2011-01-24T13:21:00.000-08:00

An Atheist Professor of Philosophy was speaking to his Class on the problem Science has with God. He asked one of his new Christian students to stand.

Life is stranger than fiction

2011-01-08T21:29:00.000-08:00

Me: Peter Pan. Golden Retriever. Otter. little Jesus.
Jesus
~not white
BUT indescribable
How do you comfortably draw
something indescribable
Ha
...
Child-like...BLUE and GREEN
no race is blue and green.
except the Navi but they don't exist. And if they do then it comes down to the probable fact that the painting will not ever be in their hands
for they live on Pandora
not earth.
At least not that i've seen.
But one thing is that you can't describe a multi-billion named being
in just one drawing.

Do you draw billions, or just the one and two that come to pass at the time being?

Hmm ^^

Life is good.

There's peace here...in this room of my house as i lay on my bed, and there will continue to be peace as i get up and blog this and there will continue to be peace as i oil pastel this of my heart. (post blogging)

:) The God of the universe, aka He made it, loves me.
AND HE LOVES YOU! if you havent heard this before or would just like to talk more. Leave a note for me below or find me on fb and send a message.
Its wonderful.

So Long 2010

2010-12-31T20:33:00.000-08:00

my Top 5 band discoveries

The Classic Crime

Attack Attack!

Gungor

Mumford & Sons

Chiddy Bang

my Top 10 favorite movies

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1

Toy Story 3

Inception

Legend of the Guardians the Owls of Gahoole

Red

The Book of Eli

How to Train your Dragon

Scott Pilgrim vs. The World

Alice in Wonderland

The Chronicles of Narnia the Voyage of the Dawn Treader

its been a great year.

lots of growth

its been a roller coaster.

many new friends

many bumps and trials along the road

Praise God

im growing into His man.

there have been many struggles, and fall outs

but He has always been with me

as i start this new year...we (Raina & I) are going to

finally

try out this relationship.

thats so exciting.

speaking of exciting im chillin' at my good friend Sarah's house in Longview, TX

listening to Gungor

we are going to leave at 1:30 a.m. for Alanta, Georgia with her church college group to go to the PASSION CONFERENCE. :D

its my first time, and im totally stoked.

Kristian Stanfill

Louie Giglio

Gungor

LeCrae

david crowder band

:) its going be fantastic

a great start to this year.

God is good.

im ready for my mind to be blown this weekend.

Have a wonderful first day of this new year

MERRY TWENTY ELEVEN!!!

haha

be safe

God bless

Christmas~

2010-12-25T21:54:00.000-08:00

its the last five minutes of Christmas day, here are my scrambling thoughts

i got $100 for ENTERTAINMART! :D

My girl Raina got Hermione Grangers wand

i got A Christmas Carol Halo Reach, Deadpool graphic novels

i love them, he's paranoid, schitzo haha its hilarious

Jesus is the reason for this season...

Greg Laurie has a wonderful quote about today. check out Lace Edges blogpost to see it

i have a fantastic family...both sides.

and yeah gonna read Beyond Words incerp about Christmas

Michael Caine is the best Scrooge

Super Love Part III

2010-12-24T00:18:00.000-08:00

When you love someone enough to let them go...to not hold them back...

thats super love

i have been shown this love...

Oh, I'm a wandering soul
I'm still walking the line that leads me home alone
All I know I still got mountains to climb on my own
On my own

Do you love me enough to let me go?
Do you love me enough to let me go?
To let me follow through, let me fall for you, my love
Do you love me enough to let me go?

Back from the dead of winter
Back from the dead and all our leaves are dry
You're so beautiful tonight
Do you love me enough to let me go?

Back from the dead we went through
Back from the dead and both our tongues are tied
You look beautiful tonight
Do you love me enough to let me go?

But every seed dies before it grows

Do you love me enough to let me go?
Do you love me enough to let me go?
To let me follow through, let me fall for you, my love
Do you love me enough to let me go?

Breathe it in and let it go
Every breath you take is not yours to own
It's not your to hold
Do you love me enough to let me go?

Do you love me enough to let me go?
Do you love me enough to let me go?
To let me follow through, let me fall for you, my love
Do you love me enough to let me go?

Super Love Part II

2010-12-24T00:10:00.000-08:00

like in my music post

love...is a many splendid thing.

super love is to be able to love over the years, through thick and thin

sick and health

crazy and sane

fights and peace

thats love.

Super Love

2010-12-16T22:08:00.000-08:00

so the song definately has grown on me over the years. and its something ive been thinking about lately, just amusingly about my future relationship, but this was the first time i have seen this video.

anywhoisit more about my view of this song in "Super Love: part II"

enjoy the creepy old men in tights. haha, and his sweet crazy act of love towards the lady.

its Christmas Time

2010-12-15T23:01:00.000-08:00

Sooo...Christmas is like a week away...which is CRAZY!!!

i'm not ready, but i am.

because I FINISHED MY FINAL EXAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PRAISE THE LORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He sustained me! I stayed up on average until 5 a.m. each day and then sleep for 3-4 hrs before each final.

I'm every form of the word "exhausted"

but the Lord shall bring me rest, and i am resting.

tonight my best friend is staying with me in the dorm while i pack for tomorrow.

he's sleeping now, while i skype with Raina ^^

she's awesome, and i can't wait to see her over Christmas break.

tonight gonna watch The Men Who Stare at Goats and Zombieland

so back to CHRISTMAS!!!

Phil Wickham is my favorite worship leader, and he has a beautiful, wonderful, christmas album.

check out some previews

here: http://philwickham.com/

that and Cellofourte's tribute album to skillet are the two CD's im listening to the most right now.

Um...so yeah its Christmas and i like this:

i do want to inspire people.

enjoy yourself this season

Jesus is the reason for it.

love, laugh, live...

She does sing beautifully...

2010-12-04T22:44:00.000-08:00

The Movement comes in slow
It's a tune we both should know
But the walls are thin
So we keep our voices low

You're a bird with a pretty mouth
You're a bird with songs to shout
And the same refrain continues
Singing out
If you love her let her go
She sings beautiful and slow
A tune that only caged birds know

So you're in nashville on the phone
And I'm back here at home
And the words are new
But I recognize the tone

If you love her let her go
She's beautifully composed
A tune that only caged birds know

My love goes free...
My love goes free...
My love goes free...

binoculars

2010-12-04T22:21:00.001-08:00

* im emotional sometimes
* i don't like to assume...but its hard not to sometimes
* i was going to watch a movie tonight...but most movies i want to see will have a relative love story intertwined in it...and tonight thats not what my heart needs
* i wish i didnt get so jealous...

they're not objects we keep forever, they are individuals that need freedom...

to choose their life

their job

their passions

their love

* i'll be okay

time to pull out my sword...

i could use a good read.

it's Christmas time!

2010-12-03T10:04:00.000-08:00

sooo to sum up the crud in my life:

my spiritual walk with God, was only music, mentor sessions, and sunday mornings.

thats why my world was collasping

thats why ive had negative effects after my mentor meetings

thats why my roommate, and my darling were

mad at me, are hurt by me, do not know this me

i felt alone...

so very much, i didn't know wait to say...

its not easy

im not gonna let this Christmas season suck

Praise be to God for showing me these faults, and guide me to be my own person again. my old self, as i grow in my new self.

Happy Christmas.

2:45 a.m.

2010-11-29T00:46:00.000-08:00

so ive been talking to this bird-girl for almost 2 hours on skype...

~so basically~

i like her.

Tink

2010-11-27T22:43:00.000-08:00

heyy you. lets runaway

lets blow this joint; not drugs, but more so lets burn rubber

lets fly

lets get away and leave the rest behind

because baby when its you and me

everything is alright

you love me

i love you

i can always be there for you,

and well you can be there for me too.

im tired of this.

actually we need people

it cant be just us.

well it can

it should

it will

maybe.

we wont shut out the past completely but...

somewhat.

Lets go travel Europe!!

haha WAIT we need money!

we'll get money

SO WHERE DO WE GO NOW?!

seattle

SEATTLE?

seattle

its wonderful there, and we could start a new,

fresh

and get to living our lives

as our life.

then we'll tour Europe

BUT later we should vacate to AUSTRALIA

I want to live there

for some extended period of time..

it'll be fun.

P. SHERMAN 42 WALLABY WAY, SYDNEY

hehe

you could be a photographer,

and a journalist (the diary or blog or imagionative Alice-esque author kind)

and i'd be a little of everything

mostly a sketch artist, but incorporate lots of styles, and such

and we could make movies.

haha

professional Sundance like movies.

not...anyother kind. lol

thats awkward:

palm tree

balloon

baby

squid

moose

...

turtle

eh...life is what it is...God given.

im not sure where i want mine to go right now...

but i kinna want you to be apart of it.

Forbidden Love

2010-11-14T21:55:00.000-08:00

mmm

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH

I love you

i love you

our love will last forever

our love will last forever, in the context of love, and not lovely feelings alone

lets run run run

will have fun fun fun

and when its over...what 'll happen?

will i still love you the same way?

when its over will i still love you?

will i still want to pursue you?

to marry you?

live my life in unity with you?

this is great

i totally love you!

i totally love you

i accept you

will never judge you

i want the best for you

i will always be here to

comfort

pray

laugh

talk

with you.

but romantically...

I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!

romantically I'm unsure

I'm not ready

spiritually

mentally

emotionally.

romantically we are not in the same readiness
that is to say,

i don't think...

maybe we are...

I want to be ready

i want to say we should spend the rest of our life her on earth together...

...

i want you

i want you so baAaAaAaad

i love you

you love me

we should be free

we are free

in Christ we are free

outside there is bondage, whether we acknowledge it or not.

sex is something i am highly anticipating...but i can't have it now

i want to soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

BAD

...

I'm trying to become a man of God

(not a monk! haha, i do plan to kiss girls, and one day have one as my wife. lol)

I find joy in it, and joy trumps happiness.

...

can you hear me?

we'll be together...always

just you and me

we don't need anybody else

we need each other.

simple as that; but we need other people...

godly people, ungodly people

but be influenced by the godly,

and influence the less so.

we grow through all these experiences.

smiles*

hug

our bond as friend slash Jesus freaks can be strong without sex.

honestly it really can.

boundaries build a solid strong, trustworthy, non temporary relationship

totally openness and outpouring of self, is less stable.

openness is great, but with boundaries.

...

continues to hold you*

i love you...I'm just trying to understand it all.

Daydream

2010-11-11T21:01:00.000-08:00

drive. drive. drive.
I'm on my way.

hello again...hi

...

lets watch a movie

Tin Man

(500) Days of summer

Moulin Rouge

The Secret of Kells

...maybe not all those movies..

yeah, we should just spend time together focused, you know?

haha...yes

watch Tin Man part 2 and 3

hang out together

talk

laugh

catch up

eat

drink

we're merry

hugs

we're safe

we're happy

we're together

Irony

2010-11-09T00:31:00.000-08:00

"if i don't continue to invest in my relationship with God, my outlet i go to when my friends are with there significant others, i can have someone to go to and not feel lonely. without the relationship with God, my dive into movies and television would be just as unsatisfying as if i was watching porn every night." -Myself talking to my brother

...i've started watching porn every night.

help me.

im not on a horse

2010-11-05T22:37:00.000-07:00

im on a unicycle
on a tight-rope

and im juggling...

academics
social life
passion

those are my three globes

im shaking 'em up

im not a professional, im hardly amateur

theres not enough hours in the day for me to allow a equal time to disperse to all of them

im dropping the globes

starting a fresh...sort of

somethings gotta give, and i don't like to give up social life, and i have to do well academically

but what about my passion?! what about drawing, sketching when has my pened something that had depth to it...something that was not just a doodle on a boring piece of hmwk or exam?

ive gotta find time...if you catch please it, please come and share it with me.

Dali

2010-11-05T22:30:00.000-07:00

time
time is melting
time is short
time is one force we can't have enough of
time is not in our hands
time is in our hands
we choose to do what we do
we choose how to spend our time
we choose what part of the day is wasted and what is a blessing
i have a lot in my hands
i have cast my lot each day
i have chosen what i do
i have procrastinated
i have moped
i have wasted
but i listened
but i helped
but i sang
but i watched
but i loved

seems like _____________

Chewing my own tongue

2010-10-23T22:47:00.000-07:00

i give you with the finest flower in the field

i love you

but ive hidden thorns on it

i don't care about you

your pierced; bleeding

...

i ask why your bleeding?

honestly i love you...

you still bleed

i really do

blood hits the ground

...

Mumford and Sons

2010-10-20T11:30:00.000-07:00

I'm a Little Lion Man

2010-10-20T11:26:00.000-07:00

Weep for yourself, my man,
you'll never be what is in your heart
weep little lion man,
you're not as brave as you were at the start
rate yourself and rake yourself,
take all the courage you have left
wasted on fixing all the problems
that you made in your own head

but it was not your fault but mine
and it was your heart on the line
I really fucked it up this time
didn't I, my dear?
didn't I, my...

tremble for yourself, my man,
you know that you have seen this all before
tremble little lion man,
you'll never settle for any of your scores
your grace is wasted in your face,
your boldness stands alone among the wreck
learn from your mother or else spend your days biting your own neck

but it was not your fault but mine
and it was your heart on the line
I really fucked it up this time
didn't I, my dear?

but it was not your fault but mine
and it was your heart on the line
I really fucked it up this time
didn't I, my dear?
didn't I, my dear?

but it was not your fault but mine
and it was your heart on the line
I really fucked it up this time
didn't I, my dear?

but it was not your fault but mine
and it was your heart on the line
I really fucked it up this time
didn't I, my dear?
didn't I, my dear?

Resting

2010-10-20T00:07:00.000-07:00

i wake up each day with regret,
i trapped my life in a net,
God please help me out,
i scream and i shout,
because i may never forget...

im a monster,

i wish i was in your closet.

although that would make me a creeper.

im a monster,

i miss you.

everyday.

im a monster.

one day

i may heal

one day

i might try again

one day

they all will realize

im a monster.

honestly i think the only thing that i can smile about is my curly Roman style gladiator hair...but it doesn't replace what ive slaughtered.

~CelloFourte~

2010-10-05T23:12:00.000-07:00

Skillet is coming out with ALL strings album before Christmas (O.O) WEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

I'm so excited

"i stay up late alot...not because i can't sleep. mainly because...oh i dunno, its something different every night; homework, catering job, 30 seconds to mars concert, video games, netflix, glee, flight of the concords (both who voiced in the same simpsons episode), reading, and talking."

haven't blogged in awhile

i love music

God is pretty awesome

i went for a walk tonight, talked and enjoyed the outside

also i watched some flight of the concords, which i really really really like now

i also like:

my hair,

Legend of the Guardians the owls of Gahoole

zingers,

Halo Reach,

Deathly Hallows Part 1 trailers,

Thor trailers,

piano,

undershirts,

Photoshop

life has been rough lately, my fault...undeniably my fault

wondering where to go from here..

It's dangerous business walking out your front door

2010-09-26T23:48:00.000-07:00

I've been up at this all night long
I've been drowning in my sleep
I've prayed for your safe place
And its time for us to leave

Time is running, its running on empty and the gas is running out
I've decided that tonight is the night
That I let love aside
Full speed ahead this seems to be the place
I've seen this once before
Planned perfection sought in my dreams
Hoping this would take you home

My knuckles have turned to white
There's no turning back tonight
Kiss me one last time

Around this turn where the cross will cast your shadow
The people will all gather
To remember such a day
Where the flames grew as high as trees
And the world stopped
It stopped for you and me

My knuckles have turned to white
There's no turning back tonight
Kiss me one last time
(Shut your eyes)
My knuckles have turned to white
There's no turning back tonight
(So hold on tight)
Kiss me one last time
(Shut your...)

I will now bring new meaning to the word alone
Endless nights of dreaming of life
And the days we should have spent here

Drowning in my sleep I'm drowning in my sleep
Drowning in my sleep I'm drowning in my sleep
(x6)

Glass shatters and comes to a halt
I thought we'd be there by now
I thought it would be so much quicker than this

Pain has never been so brilliant
I made sure you were buckled in
Now you can walk hand in hand
Hand in hand with Him

My knuckles have turned to white
There's no turning back tonight
Kiss me one last time
(Shut your eyes)
My knuckles have turned to white
There's no turning back tonight
(So hold on tight)
Kiss me one last time
(Shut your...)

God's Chisel

2010-09-22T22:58:00.000-07:00

nightlife

2010-09-17T00:51:00.000-07:00

sooooo not going to bed till 2 a.m. -3 a.m. is becoming the norm...

im not a big fan of this...the bags under my eyes are beginning to weigh me down...

i like lighters,
& fire is pretty.

for the record, i wouldn't mind staying up this late...if i felt like i was doing something worthwhile...hah

I'm not okay, but...

2010-09-13T20:40:00.000-07:00

"Don't worry about a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right.
Singin' "Don't worry about a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right!"

Rise up this mornin',
Smiled with the risin' sun,
Three little birds
Pitch by my doorstep
Singin' sweet songs
Of melodies pure and true,
Sayin', ("This is my message to you-ou-ou")

Singin' "Don't worry 'bout a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right."
Singin' "Don't worry (don't worry) 'bout a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right!"

Rise up this mornin',
Smiled with the risin' sun,
Three little birds
Pitch by my doorstep
Singin' sweet songs
Of melodies pure and true,
Sayin', "This is my message to you-ou-ou:"

Singin' "Don't worry about a thing, worry about a thing, oh!
Every little thing gonna be all right. Don't worry!"
Singin' "Don't worry about a thing" - I won't worry!
"'Cause every little thing gonna be all right."

Singin' "Don't worry about a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right" - I won't worry!
Singin' "Don't worry about a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right."
Singin' "Don't worry about a thing, oh no!
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right!

My Chemical Romance

2010-09-13T20:15:00.000-07:00

Well if you wanted honesty, that's all you had to say.
I never want to let you down or have you go, it's better off this way.
For all the dirty looks, the photographs your boyfriend took,
Remember when you broke your foot from jumping out the second floor?

I'm not okay
I'm not okay
I'm not okay
You wear me out

What will it take to show you that it's not the life it seems?
(I'm not okay)
I've told you time and time again you sing the words but don't know what it means
(I'm not okay)
To be a joke and look, another line without a hook
I held you close as we both shook for the last time take a good hard look!

I'm not okay
I'm not okay
I'm not okay
You wear me out

Forget about the dirty looks
The photographs your boyfriend took
You said you read me like a book, but the pages all are torn and frayed

I'm okay
I'm okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!
I'm okay, now
(I'm okay, now)

But you really need to listen to me
Because I'm telling you the truth
I mean this, I'm okay!
(Trust Me)

I'm not okay
I'm not okay
Well, I'm not okay
I'm not o-fucking-kay
I'm not okay
I'm not okay
(Okay)

breathe...

2010-09-11T16:04:00.001-07:00

Dancing...is a very satisfying outlet.
i had not really explored that arena, as an artist. DON'T misunderstand me,
i have always thought of dance as a superb art form. (and just down right
fun sometimes, socially speaking)
but as for my partaking of a dance,
alone. that was something i had
never done. i had never truly danced like
dreamers tell you to:

dance to hearts
content. dance like nobodys looking.
dance without caring what others think.
dance and be joyous, or passionately
true to whatever state of emotion your
in...

well...i just danced...not 5 minutes ago, and i dare say it was a most unresevred dance...God, that was good.

~cosmic love~

Here I Am

2010-09-09T00:34:00.000-07:00

i like to be needed… i am needed… id like to be needed more from certain people…but thats not how it works... i love my friends..near and far. i am most delighted to be there for you.

as for those who don’t need me, have a nice life.

sighs* need is a strong word...I'm a Christian, i have a relationship with God. I need Him, everyone needs Him way more than anyone needs me...

I'm a "little Christ one" and we need Him...so does it make some sorta sense that i like to be needed? ....probably, not. im thinking more selfishly... definately not wwjd

one thing is for certain: we have a need to be loved, and we need to love.

livelove

To those who believe in The Light

2010-08-21T19:32:00.000-07:00

This is a call to arms, gather soldiers
Time to go to war
This is a battle song, brothers and sisters
Time to go to war

Did you ever believe?
Were you ever a dreamer?
Ever imagine heart open and free?
Did you ever deny?
Were you ever a traitor?
Ever in love with your bloodless disease?

This is a call to arms, gather soldiers
Time to go to war
This is a battle song, brothers and sisters
Time to go to war

Ever want to be free?
Do you even remember?
Want to be god and devil like me?
Ever want to just stop?
Do you want to surrender?
Or fight for victory?

Here we are at the start, I can feel the beating of our hearts
Here we are at the start...

Darkness falls, here comes the rain to wash away the past and the names
Darkness falls, here comes the rain to end it all, the blood and the game

Far, far away in a land that time can't change
Long, long ago in a place of hearts and gold
Far, far away in a land that time can't change
Long, long ago in a place of hearts and gold

This is a call to arms, gather soliders
Time to go to war (Far, far away...)
This is a battle song, brothers and sisters
Time to go to war (Long, long ago...)
This is a call to arms, gather soliders
Time to go to war (Far, far away...)
This is a battle song, brothers and sisters
Time to go to war

This is a call to arms, way of the night
This is a battle song, way of the night

Love comes

2010-08-17T23:36:00.000-07:00

ive gathered that this is a new phase in life.
they change rather often or rather slow.
im coming to a point where i can recognize the phases...

Phillip's phase for this school year:

*focusing on relationships, mind you*

my best friend, my fetus brother and i are not going to be able to spend as much time together

i will cherish the weekends

my friend kelsey says we will be hanging out more

i will enjoy this

my dear raina is six hours away and cannot come home

i will do my best to go and visit her at least once both semesters

my good friend michael kreider is my suitemate for the skool year

i will rejoice and grow with him, in Him

my covenant brother colin has gone off to skool again

we have been growing apart for lack of communication...i will play my part in praying thru this relationship issues

~another part of the phase~

also i will have to learn how to control my jealously, when i am a friend i cannot be jealous...

i will rejoice in my solitude, while being active in my new community

(confusing isnt it, haha)

i will discover a little more of who i am by doing so

sometime i will find an open door and start to casually date

diving deeper into prayer and creative art worship

theres more but i cant recall it...no matter. this is the most notable...

Hakuna Matata

Love,

Phillip

im back

2010-08-15T23:10:00.000-07:00

i went on an alazkan cruise with my family

it took being away to realize how much i loved her

got to zipline

got to ghetto dogsled

got to see at least 13 humpback whales

saw dolphins, glaciers, eagles, harbor and stellar seals

i swam in the cruiseships swimming pools

i read Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows...

for the second time (it was just as good a 2nd time)

i read the first part of Soul Cravings

my Soul craves intimacy...very badly

oh yeah AND

i ate

and i ate

and i ate somemore

and i prolly pooped just as many times as i ate, which is redonkulous

TMI, I know

i would really like to go back to Seattle

the city is beautiful, the weather is pratically perfect

ANYWAYS

im back

and its

okay

...

twins

2010-08-15T23:04:00.000-07:00

a couple of weeks ago me and my fetus brother Matthew, both admitted to wanting to casually start dating the same girl. i realized it/ confronted him about...that was a funny awkward conversation but we are growing closer togther strengthing our friendship better still, in these awkward moments.

hey, it was bound to happen, we have the same interests and now we admit to having the same interests in girls. haha we weren't really that suprised.

well heres to an eventful year! *raises glass*

Ridiculous!!

2010-08-15T22:56:00.000-07:00

if a boggart were near to me, it would probably change into a baby...actually no no idk it would turn into some personified form of rejection or dissappointment. like if i had let down someone...or if someone rejected me. idk.

anyways, i have been ridiculous and so have they, our season was two years ago, and we just now discovered it. and we cant...

but we will carry on, because we need each other.

Inception

2010-08-15T22:53:00.000-07:00

...its not a movie, its an experiance

GO AND SEE IT!!!!!!!!!

Live Love

2010-07-20T08:38:00.000-07:00

is really all there is to do...

life is full of emotions, risks, challenges...

choices

i choose to learn about love

discover new aspects,

types

and how to use them...

love is not all romance and eros

love is a pleothora of somethings...

i love my family

my friends

my enemies

and my God

so yeah im living..and i love...

wellpers...

2010-07-15T09:49:00.000-07:00

i had my appendix taken out, suprised me with cramps, and wouldnt stop till i got it out. which did involve me getting medically violated during a CT scan...*shudders* this adventure, cancelled my plans for the rest of the week, i was staffing at youth camp, now im at my house, watching movies, doodling, and reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows...for the 2nd time ( iwanna be refreshed beforethe movie comes out)

anyways life is eventful, and its good to be loved...

speaking of love, im a(no suprise) having trouble letting go, but i have, but i havent, because i would like to, but i cant, but i will, it just seems like i wont, but i can, i just love her. and would like to be with her.

meanwhile, God opened a door for a dating relationship, *Plot twist* but im praying about it, and we'll see what happens.

then of course theres doors, which arent clearly opened or closed, but may or may not be waiting for me...

i have 3 basic paths to choose from...

and thats a nutshell of my life right now. :) :P :) :/ :P

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MATTHEW

2010-07-05T23:21:00.001-07:00

the David to my Jonathan's birthday is on July 4th, thats what i celebrated.

sure i celebrated our freedom in U.S.A.

but my freedom in Christ is something more important to relfect on,

and matt's birthday

i love that guy sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much

i shot off my own fireworks yesterday, the most fun, was acting like a wizard, with some roman candles.... AVADA CADAVERA!!!!!!

doesn't know what to do about these feelings, i need a place to store them...basically i would like a bank account for heart points, so i can choose wisely and have better control how much of me, i give to someone

this song brightened my day (its a classic)

"zzzzZip pa Dee do dah Ziiip pa Dee day... wonderful feelings..wonderful day.

mister blue bird's on my shoulder."

Pineapple Express is a hilarious movie. Hats off to James Franco, who knew he could be that funny?!

God is persistantly guiding me to do what is right. and i am being an ass aka very stubborn as i follow, but its getting easier everyday. making responsible/mature descisions for the most part.

family guy star wars are the bestest

swimming with Sara& Shauni in the morning will be entertaining

DONUTS!!!! woohoooooo

wellpers...goodnight

ive got a pink dino silly band

Sanctus Real

2010-06-22T23:32:00.000-07:00

read the title again! say it out loud. doesnt it sound so cool? thats a bands name, im not entirely in love with them, but two of their songs: 'Forgiven', and 'I'll show you how to live' have really give me joy, in these sea swept days of discover. so please check em out, go find it on youtube, lol.

the Toy Story trilogy is 99% without a doubt my favorite trilogy of all time. :)

wellpers, life goes on...

and i can't help but miss her...i dare say i'll have an explaination for her one day when she asks "why?"

i want to be there, but...lots of variables fall into play...ugh that stupid boy.. throwing away what must have been a great 3ish years, dummbutt...he's gonna regret that .

Tim Hughes is definately a new favorite worship leader, coming in 3rd place of my all time favs:

#3 Tim Hughes

#2 David Crowder

#1 Phil Wickham

well sons and daughters,

life is here

live in the moment

find out who you are

where and with who do you find the most peace?

discover your passion and go immerse your self in it

find an elite fistful of friends who bring out the best in you

when you find them

never let go

above all else live love

and laugh as much as possible...

P.S. check out the music video for the song "Forgiven" by Sanctus Real

Until Lambs become Lions

2010-05-25T00:08:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday to me...happy birthday to me...

9 of my closeknit friends took me to the Drive-In!!!!!!!!!!!! thats one thing i can check off of my bucket list. :) apart from the bugs it was splendiferous. They are a lot of fun, and mean so much to me :)
sweet memories.

one quote of the night: "Favorite thing about my birthday...my birthday suit!"
hahaha thats my best friend speaking on my behalf.

Shrek Forever After is a great movie. in my dvd collection it will be as follows: Shrek, Shrek 2, and Shrek Forever After. (Shrek 3 was aweful)

my birthday wish is: the ability to fly.

i have plans for that day when i receive the gift of flight (personal flight, by myself, like iron man or peter pan)

anyways... realistically i wanted herpes (from sara), but that didnt happen. :/

wellpers, im through, going to go read my birthday psalm (this year is psalm 19) and listen to thousand foot krutch

Getsamkuntswerk

2010-05-06T06:35:00.000-07:00

bet you don't know what that means!

Getsamkuntswerk:

Noun; German. Total artwork; an artistic creation, as the music dramas of Richard Wagner, that syntesizes the elements of music, drama, spectacle, and dance.

i learned it because i did a research power pointy assignment on Elliot Peter Earls, who is in FACT a "certified oddball". One of his series is a (insert above german word) that syntesizes animation, spoken word poetry, motion graphics, interactivity, computer programming, pop song, pop song fragments, prints, photography, short digital film clips and objects.

anyways enough about that joker, (im gonna go beastmode on my powerpoint presentation of him today, Glory be to God)

Wellpers, in continuation of my last post, i still miss you, and i would like to talk, but idk when we could or if you'd want to. definately decided last time we met about the danger, and so ineviatable gotta move on. just kinda want to talk about that.

BUT lets (im addressing all readers again) talk about what i did yesternight.

I laughed until i was teary eyed.

i came off as a racist.

my friends are outrageous, dont always think before they speak, but they are amazing.

rocked out to 30seconds to Mars on the way home(s)

Then Shorty called me!! and we talked 'for a quick sec' which actually was like 30 minutes

and i quote (myself):

"it is times like these that make life worth living"

good stuff...thank you all my friends not only the ones mentioned above but all of ya'll. :)

To:______

2010-04-27T17:28:00.000-07:00

I ~~strongly dislike how much~~ I care about you...

aka...i miss you too..

dos dias

2010-04-24T10:15:00.000-07:00

plain and simple yesterday april 23 was a goxoxd day :P

lots of trust and sunshine.

Also I got to work with my best friend in the entire world, Matthew. :D

I mean to say, he got hired to my catering company at least for the summer.

thats going to be muy DIVERTIDO

As for today, most of my plans fell through, EXCEPT theres still is a possibilty that tonight my dad and i will go see

The Losers

that will be fun. :)

Waco, glee, & gurls Alamode

2010-04-21T20:07:00.000-07:00

Monday, I took a road trip with two of my friends, to attend a Fundraiser concert at Baylor university, which raised money to help send my friend and her two friends, go to india mission trip, this summer.
It was great, because she did not know we where coming, and when we showed up, she cried some, in overwhelming joy. :) i was suprised, because i did not know we were going to be that much of a blessing to her. anyways the bands/singers, were good but she was the best lol. it was good stuff. i heard more on how much she felt blessed by the three of us coming, on two accounts, one being from her father. Definately feeling super happy about it.

so GLEE is fueled by superficial, shallow, but complex, high school drama teachers and students combined. and ive just gotta say that these first two episodes of the new season have been incredulously drama packed. its good stuff.

also i am still kinda stuck....in the whole relationshippo thoughtz, but will carry on carry on......

the Christian song of the night is "Beautiful" by Shawn Macdonald
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pIfuYyBAlRU
the secular song of the night is "Need you Now" by Lady Antebellum http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eB7T3lJ3dZ4

quote of the night: "Phillip loves hearing about how beautiful he is."

this statement is true, but 'love' might be a hyperbole....just appreciates it every once in while lol...and if its in a awesome romanticized situation, you bet your bottom dollar i do.

haha, well thats all for now

TTFN

Theres this creeper...

2010-04-20T21:28:00.000-07:00

..who i know, but i dont know. ive got like two ta four guesses, who she might be.

anyways she's been reading my blog, formspringing me, and probably alot of other stuff i need not to know about.

pretty much, she laid down some conviction in the comments box of my last post....and yeah.

i apologize for seemingly obessing over my first love, who apparently everyone knows, in some strange/ awkward way or another.

so yeah, going be working on...moving on....ugh.

actually i have been trying to find myself in the weeks as of late, and its been only slightly productive, because "with every channel on, we don't know where we belong." which for me, is quite true, ive watched a bazillion movies, tv shows, and youtubes, this semester, and its blows my mind. but in the end i need to find myself with little outside influence.

so yeah, 'touche' creeper. God used you. and He got me good, as usual. definately wasnt expecting that.

anyways,
goodnight my creeper(s)

Emery week begins

2010-04-11T20:51:00.000-07:00

im donating my ears to the band Emery this week.

also:
ive had very strong urges, dreams, thoughts of a second chance with her.........

however its seemingly....a dream only.

ive had little talk with any of my female friends, unless they iniate the conversation with me, we won't talk. i will respond and converse with them if they decide to talk to me, but im trying to not start my own conversations, simply because i feel that....idk... my relationship with God needs to stabilize and i need to stop obessing about fallin in love and marrying the girl he has for me. for the time being....

its killing me.... a lot is changing. im becoming incredbily estudious and pwning the majority of my skool work, and it alongside my responsibilties at church is quite good at taking up the mass majority of my time and energy etc. i just need to find a transition to finding peace and joy in my solitude with God.

if she came, if she called me, i would answer...its a terrifying...yet...still... a beautiful dream....

:) :/ :(

drawing

2010-04-02T10:50:00.000-07:00

top two girls await to see their loves

Wendy floating outside the open window.

Alice sitting/dreaming on the window sill.

bottom two guys been living without their loves, thinking they would never see them again.

Peter been restlessly sleeping for awhile.

Mad Hatter curling up under his fabrics...

Suprises

2010-04-01T21:34:00.000-07:00

Today was a day, where i was bestowed a nice suprise.
She came to my house, without warning.
I dont think i can express how suprised i was. She was the last person i would have expected to show up on my doorstep. She came and we talked and it was a bittersweet (more sweet than bitter) restart to our friendship.

Life is goes on....
2010 has been a very unpredictable ride so far...
and i like it.

also i have lots of english hmwk, and poly sci studying to do for next week...pray for me.

a brief post

2010-03-28T22:14:00.000-07:00

i regret what i said in my last post about my former relations with Wendy had become a mere aquaintanceship. i feel like i placed an unequivocated halt to it. which is not something i wanted, still want a friemdship if that be possible.

life continues
..and its GREAT
..no matter how i 'feel'. i need not let my emptions run rampant.
God is in control. i trust him in this season of singleness.
it is well with my soul.

The Princess and the Frog, How to Train your Dragon (3D), Alice in Wonderland, Fantasia 2000 are superb movies.

The Middle, The Office, Community, and Modern Family are all four of my favorite tv shows that are on right now. (GLEE will be back APRIL 13TH)

These bands with their specific CD's have helped me these last months
Phil Wickham- Heaven & Earth
DCB- Church Music
Switchfoot- Hello Hurricane
Fireflight- For Those Who Wait

Upcoming on this blog of mine will be a compilation page of my favorite actors.

wellpers im about to pass out here. im going to bed.

Time and Tide, Love

2010-02-08T00:11:00.000-08:00

So its been several a month since my last post, alot has happened:

cut down that ol' relationship/affair down to a measley acquaintanceship...buts thats more or less because im thick in the head and struggle in understanding her, or women in general.
struggled a HUGE DEAL with pornography, trying to fill whatever void of imaginative lovelust i had. this brought me a greater deal further off course of my relationship with Jesus Christ. which is horrible.
therefore i made a COVENANT (which is super serious business) with two of my closest brothers in Christ. this has really helped me alot! im so proud of them.
i aced my first semester in college. :D im now in my second semester. im at UTA, studying art...film more or less.
Christmas was unreal. very wonderful, my favorite time of year, bought AND made a lot of gifts. and Celebrated the REAL gift, which was God given us His son Jesus. i praise them everyday for their forgiveness and grace, and love.
God used me as a tool to lead my cousin back to where he wanted to rededicate his life to Christ. which has been good for him.
Im actually leading the young mens bible study on thursday nights, with my brother The Tank. my bearded covenant brother is finally back in school, and even though I MISS HIM GREATLY, i know we are all where we are supposed to be.
everyday i recognize the fact more and more that me and my best friend Matthew are 21st century replicas of David and Jonathan from the bible (1 Samuel 18:1 & 2 Samuel 1:26). i wouldnt have gotten far without him in my life.

Amongst all that ive had my shares of up's and down's and the inverse of sorts, and variety of adventures along the way, involving: lots of gasoline for my NissanObot, girlfriends, best friends, sisters, brothers, movies, cinemarks, IMAX's, cookies, popcorn, ice cream, video games, zombies, music, music, music, pastels, inks, and nepaleonese paper.

Tonight ive had a fickled day of stress and depression accumlated from my sheer dislike of excessive desicion making, however i just watched Pirates of the Caribbean At World's End, (which is awesome) and know deep down that...it would matter

p.s. the last 3 bold words is reference to a skillet song called "would it matter" off their new album AWAKE.

pp.ss. i plan on having a spectacular adventure, involving the sea and maybe my marriage on a pirate ship.

T T F N [ta ta for now]
Love,
Phillip

train of thought

2009-09-17T20:57:00.000-07:00

CHOOO CHOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALL ABOARD THATS COMING ABOARD THE PHILLIPS TRAIN OF THOUGHT!!!

ok ok so this will not be a narrative or a whatever idk. so yeah im blogging because im having withdrawals from facebook and what not because of my goal to give it up for the 10 weeks im doing the "experiancing God" bible study which is really great thus far.

im gonna be honest i had a point...AHAHA! I was going to tell you about my day today!

so highlights: went to class, picked up swell friend Raina, took her home, then i went to my home, ate dinner, aired up my flattened tired, then got on the road to my bible study.....

here is when it happened. i was traveling along, speeding more or less down broad towards belt line, then i spy something on the road...moving on the road OH MY GOSH ITS A TURTLE!!! eereeeerrrrrrr (haha gotcha i didnt squeal my tires) i swerved out of its way though. then trying to recover from the suprise, i realized at its pace would still prolly get crushed! so i pulled over, locked the car, and i ran back down the road to where i had saw him. he had made to the otherside safely but couldnt make it over the curb! so after a few seconds of nervous evaluation i reached down and picked him up, so he at least would be safe and out of the street. i placed him down next to the man made pond or lake.
feeling very happy with my selfless deed, i waited for him to move out of his shell so i could take a picture. but it didnt. but i waited and its head came out some, i took a few pictures anyway.
then i received a phone call, getting up i answered their question and slowly turned around towards the turtle who after my first step, bolted into the lake!! which i now see why the tortoise beat the hare! because he was faaaaast! he got me good on that one, but i'll still enjoy the pictures i have of its shell anyways.

after said turtle rescue i went to cedar hood and picked up my new glasses which are framelessly fabulous! lol. then to bible study where we talked about prayer, it was all in all a very great day i suppose.

anyways so that was my day...

i'll now give you a brief synopsis update thing of whats been going through my thoughts lately:
im falling out of love with my wendy darling, so we both can move on in life. its been horrbly tough. but we each agree its for the better. im going to try and not deal with dating scene for a few months unless God presents a case sooner to me. another reason what im doing the excperiancing God bible study so i can try to grow in my communication and deeper love relationship with Him.

i love my best friends, and late night phone calls! so call me up whenever. im usually in bed before 230-3 A.M.

P.S. i got the new skillet CD "Awake" which is abosolutely suuuuuperb! favorite songs include Lucy, Monster, Hero, and Don't Wake Me. but thats just cuz i can relate to the lyrics in those the most. the whole ablum is amazing, and well done.

yours truly,
phillip

Two Songs On My Mind

2009-08-27T18:50:00.000-07:00

~In Shallow Seas We Sail _ by Emery~
I got eyes in the back of my head and I see where you're going with this.
I'm not surprised. You take me for a fool. Maybe you're right.
If I was wiser I would not have let myself come here tonight.

You're such a sap. You never learn.
Here I am watching the summer fading. (The summer we shared fades away with the winter)Your hands were warm on my face. Now they're crashing away. (Your hands were cold now...)Slowly pushing me away. Pushing me away. (Slower than icy veins slowly pushing me away)

I knew it (I knew it) right from the start.
I've got this big, big hole in my heart.
I wanted (I wanted) to put you in.
But for some reason you just wouldn't fit.
You just wouldn't fit.

You're such a sap. You never learn.
Here I am watching the summer fading. (The summer we shared fades away with the winter)Your hands were warm on my face. Now they're crashing away. (Your hands were cold now...)Slowly pushing me away. Pushing me away. (Slower than icy veins slowly pushing me away)Pushing me away.

Lust kept giving men so many regrets.
Just this once is what we tell ourselves.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Ships don't sink if they have wind in their sails.
But if the wind fails, is there hope for me? (I guess your love...)I thought your love was safe. The promise you made...(wasn't so safe, the promise you made...)

Now I am drowning in your shallow sea; I swim.
(you are the storm, the wind and the waves.
you break me in two and toss me away)

You are the waves that toss me in.
(I fell apart when I fell for you)

How can I float above the water that fills my lungs?
(you are the water filing my lungs,
killing me softly without a word)

Killing me softly without a word.
(Without a word...)

~Crumble to Pieces _ by Phil Wickham~
You raise me beyond the skies, into a city of eternal light
Looking down on the stars, I fly into heaven, caught up in your arms

I Breathe Your fragrance, taste your goodness,
Crumble to pieces
Into Your love
In Your presence all my existence
Crumbles to pieces
Into Your love

I’m speechless what can I say
Words become tears
As You wipe them away
All my kisses and crowns at your feet
Fire of heaven burn love over me

It’s such a beautiful story
I’m face to face with the King of glory
You rescued someone unworthy, I know this is love

..Two very different bands, genre of song. Yet they both are christian and they both sing about love..

Window into my life

2009-08-27T17:12:00.001-07:00

well i have bacterial pneumonia...nothing more i can say about that, other than i simply enjoy the fact that i finally know why the heck i have (and still am) coughing out my lungs.

im going to UTA and find that it is a superb college.

my english teacher (aka the hulk) loves anime and punctured a mans lung at the age of 15.
my astronomy teacher is too controlling, trying to go further in her own skooling experiance. but the subject matter is good enough for me to stay positive
my art teacher.....eh, im still working out her. she's sort of an indian hippie, "free up your arms and wrist, so the pencil can flow" or something like that. my peers are awesome enough, lol tami vu is in there too, irony since she was in my ap art class, which may haunt me. the class is a basics course, so she teaching pretty much how to hold the pencil, which in both instances just and ridiculously unjust...but i'll get over that paradox oxymoron whatever.
my political science teacher is on the alaskan youkon border on a police and rescue assignment for the first 2 weeks of skool. this guys means business, and he is going to be a great teacher, but the class just might kill me hears his website http://faculty.tcu.edu/rmillsap/index.htm

you can click "2311" under 'univ of texas announcements' to read his address to my class

My film/video teacher seems to be similar to me, in several instances. which is good to some extent. ive already think ive got some cool classmates to co-film all of our projects with. this course is going to make or break me in my hopes and dreams on going into the cinema business. so...no pressure

Socially, I've got...well not a lot going on currently, since im quarentined in my room. But ive got some amazing friends in my life.

In spite of the fact God has taken them far away from me these amigas are some of the most amazing girls i know

Morgan: has always been someone i can look up to (spiritually) and i can always count on her to be iron when i need to be sharpened. she is a great example for any christian.

Kelsey: is very near and dear to my heart. she is half my comedy act, (pun intended) by her choice. Short jokes are my terms of endearment towards her.

Stephanie: is the newest in my circle of friends. But thats totally ok, she's a really fun person to be around, especially if you happen to be a fan of sister act 2. Also! she makes an ample amount of bizarre noises (and we'll hopefully make them for one of my movies in the years to come)

Back home ive got a slew of friends such as Becca, & Becca Rhodsey, Sara Kelley, Matthew, Kreider and Colin.

The Becca's are my artist sisters in Christ, and im thankful for our steadily growing/intertwining relationships. (since they are attending Uta as well)

Speaking of Mavericks, sara kelley is one of those and ive throughly appreciated our relationship. She's always checking up on me, when im sick or EMOtional. We share many similar interests, and old high skool friends. gitchy gitchy goo, sara.

now for my boys, they are all my accountability partners, and always have been there for me along my christian pilgrimage. Especially when having long talks about the womenfolk in our lives.

Kreider: formerly my missions, dnow and youth camp sleeping buddy. sadley thats over and done with. unless he comes to UTA likes he's thinking about doing. he's maturing in the Lord superbly, and is a great percussionist.

Colin: i would almost like to say i can look to him as a mentor. i know he would just shrug his shoulders or something since he doesn't really like compliments. He is genuine in our bible study discussions and everyday conversations. We shared many a loud car ride listening to great music, and great bands. Tu tienes mas mi corazon, senor Colin.

Matthew: oh matthew matthew..you know me better than anyone other person on earth. He and i have been living frighteningly, amazingly, and sometimes comedically similar lives! and we like to believe God had originally designed us as one person, but realized it would have been too much greatness and talent in one person. so he divided us. but i wouldn't ask for it any other way and...you are the david to my jonathan, and your love is greater than that of a womans! remember that.

Now slow down these aren't the only people in my life, there are still a great number of friends who i cherish to have in my life. But these were the ones i chose for this blog. I care for and want to be a part of pratically all the relationships God places on my path, but He gives and takes away. I cherish the works he does through and in them! :)

I was going to close with a song by Phil Wickham, but i changed my mind (and will blog it right after this one with two emery songs) BECAUSE i really wanted to share this video, that has already brightened my day up 3 times today! i hope you enjoy it as much i do!!! and believe me this is has really no relation at all to what we've been discussing other than the fact that it makes me extremely happy! so don't even try to guess what it is, just click the link. :D :D :D :D

http://www.tangle.com/view_video?viewkey=cc3411858b588c7e6746

Loving oneself

2009-08-04T23:27:00.000-07:00

It has been said you cannot love another without first loving yourself...otherwise you'd be hypocritical, right?

A friend of mine needs reasons for loving herself

so here are a few:
you are genuine
you are honest
you are caring
you are a teacher
you are a pretty devoted sister
you are encouraging
you are comforting
you are funny *discrestion advised* ;)
you are fun to be around
you are a lover
you are a independant person, who knows when and how to depend on others
you are understanding
you are a gifted person
you are a passionate person
you are a person who effectively uses her gifts (artistically for one example)
you are a listener
you are a child of the King who you love because He UNCONDITIONALLY loves you, because He made you, sent His son for you, who died and rose again for you.

These are some reasons to love yourself...they are some of the reasons why i love you, and why we are best friends...

i pray this helps you...it is unfortunate that my phone was lost in a glitchy zone amidst my house...i wish i could have been there for you when you had first texted me, but i did not receive it until 30 minutes later.

bottling up

2009-08-04T23:08:00.000-07:00

tonight i totally overreacted i thought/tweeted:

"this is one of the worst nights ever! i want to shoot myself in the face...so someone else can feel some pain..because right now it seems to be just me."

i hate dissappointing people, and as a result i do my best to make everybody content, happy....which i know I KNOW is impossible to keep everyone happy 24/7.

tonight i what i saw as an opportunity but the Lord did not, but i would not see His way. So when i finally came the point where i was emotionally felt as if i was about to be quartered (by horses like they did back in the day). i caved in to his way... and i was incredulously angry.

on top of all of this lies the blessing/curse that i have been given; which is the gift to see every positive/silver lining of any negative situation. i believe this credit should be given to the holy ghost living inside me. and once i realized this (earlier on this evening) i did not like that idea...for then it seemed there would never be a genuine lash, or outburst of emotion geunuinely seen and experianced by another person...and i saw many emotions past present and future bottling up... and i did not want to explode and so i let go of some of it the tweet, and the rest thrived in my thoughts...

self control is hard thing...i have used it well many a time..im not perfect though. i will try to never see it as a curse ever again.

Wednesday recollection

2009-07-08T12:33:00.000-07:00

sounds...in the stillness

june bugs, purring to the mama nature
the filtered water dripping into my fish tank
words being typed onto the screen
The score to 'The Phantom of the Opera' playing throughout the depths of my mind

ive come here,again, to question myself regain control over myself versus...letting my unconscieous spirit loose with the emotions, feelings, whims, along idle moments that apparate frequently amidst my life.

My mother cautiously asked why i was being short today...short tempered.

I knew i had been off and on...but hadn't questioned it. It didn't perturb me like it should. I know not what my flesh is doing or reasons behind my souls frequent desertions from body of a home.

I do believe i ignorantly send it away, every moment not spent in a somewhat righteous or God...Christ like thinking. This is not to suggest that anyone strives 24/7 365 days a year to be in a pure or holy mindset, and attitude. However in spite of the impossibility...it can be done with a genuine, and repentive, mindset that can is composed with integrity. A person with such a heart of confidence, fear, and determination can live on this earth. With the help of Jesus they can live a incredibly similar lifestyle that He walked...by blessing, loving others, while pointing them towards God.

My shortness, and a few other signs are symptoms of my separation from God. I need to spend some genuine time with Him...I need to 'Be still and know that He is God' (Psalm 46:10) so that i find myself wasting life in the idle moments it brings

My Thought Express

2009-07-07T22:55:00.000-07:00

*imagine a 1930's southern mans' accent telling this story*

Life is splendor and we are the wind. Or more properly stated "gone with the wind"

We are not followers but rather partakers in its thrill of adventure that is mighty flexible to any and every circumstance. My friends and I would the authority call "criminals" but others see ourselves differrently...We live for the moments, that draw us together. We love what we do and we do what we love; plain an' simple.

Today flirting with the beaches of Destin, tomorrow watching the sunrise over the Smokies. There are side trips that we make in order to live such a life. Requires guns, girls and confidence to love off of Banks, trains, and automobiles; the neccessities to life's sustainability.

Girls are essential. They are emotional and many a time they are confusing. Darling put the her cart berfore the horse so that we could not see the horse that caused sorrow and frustration into her cart...may have to shoot that horse. ...nawh don't reckon I would honestly shoot down whatever it is...but I sure as oxygen want it good and gone from my Darling.

"We were having so much fun today, we're not thinking about tomorrow..." unfortunatley we've found out the harder way...that has proven the redecision in our motto...some misfortunate deaths have occured amidst the group and we know our time is coming to a close.

Time for the Train. It is coming into town just to meet us.

I've got my girl, my basette hound, a stringed guitar and a empty canvas...LETS GO

...pratically unabridged emotion

2009-06-30T21:44:00.000-07:00

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!
DAM* DAM* dam* it!!! what the fould foul filth foul filthy foul heck is wrong with me?

i finally, after these six long months in a cryptic love labrinyth, i received a full fledged concrete tangible answer from the Lord my God, and I do everything but praise Him: i became sad, tired, upset, depressed, ignorant, and now im so angry that i can't even think straight.

*which is why i wrote this blog in my sketchbook, instead of taking a nap. it seems that my honest and truest thoughts come alive and clearer when i write about them.*

I don't know what i was thinking...God had thrown a red flag right when she first kissed me. But I wanted to believe that I was ready to take on this unexplored arena that we call love. In spite of my understanding that God wanted me not to date until college...well nevermind technically i still haven't been on a date. For i have never dated her, we were never official, we were just close friends...with strong feelings...who kissed.

Falling in, i believe we were falling together. I of course never having been in love before, fell to my doom. For she is currently in love with another guy, and i was the unexpected, unplanned, unexplained, unrefused icing on the cake. She's dated him for 3 years and several months and i was a fool for thinking she would ever love me as much as she loves him.

why?...sigh

I still have a lot of questions, did she know deep down we should have stopped before it began?
I think so, for petes sake (XD irony) or wilpps sake she should have believed that somewhere deep down....why me? why did she love me?

~if i could i go back in time would i try to stop it?... would she? i honestly don't think i would...because in spite of the pain/depression i felt at times, the joy of the love we shared trumped every EMOtion.

i think it had to be that type of love that forms when one person likes the other and then the other falls for the liker simply out of the fact that someone likes them. Or it was both of us falling in love with the thoughts of the other liking them....idk.

~its unexplained, and it was a love that we both strongly wanted, so it doens't matter

Bottom line is, she loves him and i truly have to move on, there's no doubt in my mind as opposed to times before when i/we said i needed to move on before now.

Positives: 1) there is a friendship still here...friendship that needs to be reconstructed for the better of us. To a point where we can say i love you and not have one fall for the other. 2) i do believe that i was used -in the times when i fully relied and trusted God- by Him and planted seeds into her life that have a chance to positively enhance/rebirth her christian walk. 3) i feel a since of freedom and relief from the burden of love itself (thats personification; she was not a burden) . i do not want it to return for a loooong while...old doors have been reopened and i will hopefully be able to think clearer.

I do...honestly....i do hope she is complete, happy, blessed and content with him and he with her for the rest of their days here on earth! More than anything in the whole universe im praying she'll come back to fuller relationship with Jesus Christ, to actually living that lifestyle amidst His guidance, comfort, love, mercy, and grace. I also hope we'll find great love in our mutually content friendship, like we had before we fell.

Theres alot of thoughts i feel i might have breezed over but my anger, frustration has left me and i feel more tired, and at peace...so yeah thats all folks

an Unabridged Tale from Neverland

2009-06-30T19:45:00.000-07:00

Today in neverland the lost friends and i went to mermaid lagoon and swam with the fish and whales of the ocean. We made a sand castle in honor of the Darling family. It was the biggest castle we had ever built. We placed an observatory at the second tallest tower for John. Then constructed an indian style courtyard including a tipi for Michael. And then covered the outside with immense flowers, nuts, vines, tree canopies, and a seashelled engraved mote.

Well afterwards we flew over the indian reservation, on our way home. They were dancing in respect and adoration for the creator of the skies. As a result the creator began to pour out the heavens water. Which he combined with the strength of the silky southern wind to present us with a magnificent storm to show his love and faithfulness to us.

Tinkerbell and I guided the lost ones back to our grand home in the tree. Once they were in bed, tink went to the fairy gardens where she has started a colony of lost fairies she has met or rescued from the varied places and stars of the universe. She is their leader, mother, and many a time their sister. They are the fireflies of your earth. They bring hope, guidance, protection, and care for all the lost fairies, children, creatures, and past visitors of Neverland who still remember the magic of their childhood.

It is very nice. I blew a kiss goodnight to Tinkerbell, and we went our separate ways. I peacefully meandered under the thundering clouds, and eventually made my way the dance plateau atop skull rock. There I danced with the wind and lightening, until the bulk of the storm had passed. I silently and swiflty soared onto the sunflower forest.

I laid myself down upon one of the tallest sunflowers. On top of it you can see the vastness of the ocean that engulfs us. It presents the sun's rises and sets unlike anywhere on the earth. The rain was pouring and I could not help but think of her. Without a moment longer in hesitation, I bounded onto a shooting fragment of light headed toward earth. Above its atmosphere, i sought after and took hold of a nervous and lonely rainbow. With the suns warmth and the rainbows elasticity, i wrapped the one band around the entire earth, as if to give the lost a giant hug. It was high enough where everyone could see it, when they wake up or as they go to bed. This is when she came.

Satisfied by the just pride of the once cowardly rainbow and by the knowledge that she would see it, i decided to head back. Appeased yet saddened by my trip to earth, seeing that this would be one of my first trips home alone in a long while. Slowly but surely i floated towards the second star to the right. But darkness overtook my light and i plopped down on a crescent star contented with sleeping here till morning. Hopeing that joy would embrace me as the happy thoughts rise in with the dawning rainbow of a new day. However Wendy, she saw the dimly moonlit rainbow through a gap in the overcast blanket of clouds and was curious to its birth.

She grabbed a handful of pixie dust from her stash under her bed and silently soared out of her window. It has been several weeks since she had last left neverland. They had been long and tiresome for her. It was hard to find much sustainable joy in them. And tonight deep in the bowels of her heart, thoughts of her distant home excited the hope in her.

Lying there falling asleep, I whispered "i LOVE you wendy darling..." in one breath to the consuming night air. Without being told the eastern breeze carried my words to you as you were sitting quietly upon the rainbow. Soon the breeze guided you back to where i was sleeping. She gazed into my spirit, as our scarcely visible shadows embraced each other. As joy and peace abounded in her soul, she laid down beside me, her head came to rest a top of my heart as her hands firmly drew us closer together. The feeling of saftey, warmth, joy, protection, passion, love and peace cascaded over she and I, as we slept there deep into the dawn.

As the dawn gently became the day, my soul became consciencious of the companion laying upon my side. Every fiber of my inner-being jumped, and cried out in rejoice! 'She must have seen the rainbow shortly after i wrapped it' I thought. I was gratefully speechless...i saw her arms resting out on my chest and her head listening to the beat of my heart, which was slowly increasing. My hands found hers, and i gently drew her closer. Holding her side and her left hand, the heavens that give me breath sang out and their light seemd to be pulling time and space to a monumental slow. Each moment there simply felt like it lasted a lifetime. And our eternity of love seemed to sigh with joyous relief in the hope of life again. Waiting there i just watched over her, and earth, while everything was quiet, and peaceful.

My heart had finally started beating a quieter tune. However it sped up again as my eyes realized she was waking up. She noticed my hands holding her, and knowing that wasn't how they were when she had fallen asleep, she looked up. Our eyes greeted each other by saying:
Mine: Hi
Hers:Hello
Mine:Good morning
Hers:morning
Mine:*sigh*
Hers:I love you peter
Mine:I love you too, wendy

Eyes speak words but a greater longing drew us closer as we began to kiss. And our world was whole again. We mean an incredible amount to each other. Our love was rare and uniquely stronger than most love that is found on earth. After our embrace ended i took her hand and we flew above the universe. We saw saturn rings, explored the constellations of her choosing, and then flew back to Neverland. It was still raining, we didn't care. We watched the sunset...or was it a sunrise? Time had escaped us, it had become impatient, since we were in no hurry. We spent the rest of that day talking about what we've been doing, and plan to do in the future...

The future...the headache of all my thoughts. I never thought about it for a long period of time since only the future knew our plans...when was the next time we would meet, how long it would be until then, what we each would do, who we would meet, who we would love...she spoke of him again. And i knew they were falling into a snug pair of earth lovers undoubtedly...i was jealous, she was supposed to be mine. Even though i did not speak it, she saw the jealousy and discontent hiding behind my eyes. We tried, again, to understand and lay out the truth of our love and meaning to one another in words...we mean a lot to one another...an amount immeasurable for anyone of earth or neverland. In spite of what our fates may be, our souls had to...with this boiling pot of love talk and agreement, they desired more than anything to...to make love...one of the greatest bonds two persons could create. So there before their creator, the sunset, and the heavens of the universe, they made a bond of everlasting love...right atop the sunflower where they had first fallen.

It was two days since we had made love. I started training the newer lost boys Jared and Roger. Wanted to give them more practice within our field of aerodynamics. Took them to the thundering timberwoods in the northeastern forests of neverland. They were superb after Lewis-an elder lost boy- and i got done with'em. We weaved serptine between the wide trunks and soared above deep troughs in the forest clearings. Wendy had returned to London several hours after the sunflower event. However in fear of the unknown date of our next meeting, i taught her how to use her pixie dust to sned letters to neverland. You whistle a unique tweet of the lost friend or myself and a neverland brid stationed on earth will shortly come to where you are. Then you sprinkle the bird with pixie dust and place the letter in its pouch. The bird will bring the letter straight to who the tweet belongs to in Neverland.

Anglican Rhapsody

2009-06-23T08:46:00.000-07:00

Packing Packing crackalacking

im leaving for Gaitlinburg, Tennessee tomorrow.

wish i could know...everything...well almost everything. That woman in indiana jones 4 wanted to know everything and her mind exploded, so i stick with desiring to know only a little bit more than i do now...and have faith/confidence in what i do know now.

I'm just a poor boy...with phacial hair....i need no sympathy

is this the real life? is this just fantasy? caught in a landslide, no escape from reality. open your eyesss look up to the skiesss and ssseeeeeeee

any way the wind blows doesn't really matter to me...
ON THE OTHER HAND
it matters alot
THUNDER BOLTS AND LIGHTENING VERY VERY FRIGHTENING
so you think you can stop me and spit in my eye?
so you think you can love me and let me to die?
OOOHHH baby! can't do this to me baby!
just gotta get out just gotta get right outta here
...i apologize for the above explosion of mixed feelings as a combined result from listening to Queen...lol
Last night I sought for Hakuna Matata, and lip sync'd to that and Scar's "Be Prepared". I also sang "Out There" from Hunchback of Notre Dame both Frollo and Scar (Timon, Pumba, Simba, and Quasi also have a fairly similar voice range to mine,but im more comfortable in their villians range) sing in my voice range, and i have a good imagination.
I also looked into my one of my devotional books for scriptures pertaining to some thoughts consistantly flowing through my head.
God agrees i need to be closer to Him, before i see her again...so i can...idk be content
with our progressing relationship.
One friend said i should put space between us while we were away...that didn't work out...however im attempting to become ok with some space in the inconsistant flow of communication/texts.
God is the only person i can instantly talk to...at any time of anyday, and expect an instant response back.
Not that im expecting to talk to her consistantly out the day, but wish i knew when she wanted to talk...there have been times i get paranoid about coming off as to obessed with talking to her...i have more self control than that...most of the time....lol
i apologize for this scatterbrained blog...just have the urge to blog...and didn't have a determined mindset like in my previous two blogs.
I am excited about the tennessee trip with my moms family! i am indeed.
i am also excited to begin my quest of seeing transformers 2 when i get there...please please please let me see that this week.. :P
Im going to see "UP"with my friendly neighbourhood vampire, after she returns home from her excursion to Denver...i wonder how her mother is doing?.... ;)
prayer prayer prayer prayer prayer prayer!!!
Lots O' prayers:
safe travels for philip sorrells
morgans upcoming trip to see her father
my part of the driving that i'll be doing on the road to tennessee
spain trip and all the peoples, rhearsals, plans, details, payments, sponsers, and more
becca aragons last final for skool
UTA registration
Wendy Darling and all her relationships (friends, boyfriend, and her mother)
me...Peter...
um...i believe this is enough blogging for the time being, will do another once i get to tennessee.
ttfn TA TA FOR NOW

An excerpt from a diary in Never Never Land

2009-06-11T20:13:00.000-07:00

Today I spent the morning holding my Wendy Darling as the sun rose...close to my heart and under my nose. I kissed her head as the skies above secretly hid our hearts from the suns piercing eye...I do, I love her dearly. How well does she love me..? She has not given me a clear answer...

She is not living here with me, she flies back and forth between here and London. I've given her plenty of pixie dust and we've shared enough times to give her some happy thoughts to fly on. I didn't approve of this at first, but shes wants me to respect her life. However in this circumstance, how can I? Every time she travels back to London, she grows up a little bit more, all the while I stay home. In London there are boys, who are growing up as well...she...she has developed a love for one in particular. She tells me about him, but I don't like the potential of this budding relationship.

I...I..may be losing her...actually...I think I might have already lost her.

Why do I love her? How do will I prove it?

She was a stranger who had chosen to care for me, and gave me my shadow back. She was very pretty. Obviously I wanted to show her some sort of thanks, therefore I offered to take her and her younger brothers to my home. Little did I know my fall would come shortly after. As time flew by, we went from being kindly strangers, to friends, to closer friends, and then...it happened, we fell...together,...TOGETHER, both filled with a fervor of passion, and love...

I, (Peter Pan) who have brought many lost friends to and from this place I call home, soon felt a feeling of love I had never known before.

We have many similar interests, and passions...and this seems to be sustainable. I thought we should leave it all to our Faith, in the Creator of the skies, and our homes.

Soon after all that time, the fun and great moments we shared, Wendy, John, Michael, and Me, they chose...she chose to leave me and head back to their home in London.

Parting makes the heart grow fonder. And I waited and waited and waited. Then I realized that I hadn't given them any pixie dust, which i assumed was the explain of why they hadn't returned yet. So i grabbed Tink and flew as fast as I could to London.

As I glided down I peered into the window that had started it all. Then I saw them. She was prettier than I had remembered...and the boys were taller. John and Michael saw me from their beds, and nearly leaped out of them. But I motioned for them to be quiet, I wanted to suprise Wendy. I opened the latch quietly. I then silently floated over her and as I was about to do one of my great rooster crows my shadow fell too far into her peripherals and she screamed! But it was a good scream, one of sudden fear, great excitement and relief. She then embraced me like she had once before in Never Never Land... I felt reborn.

They were all eager to return with me, and for once in a long while I felt whole again. We returned to my home, relived many old memories, and made some new ones. However, one memory will forever trump them all: We were sitting alone, Wendy and I, on top of one of the tallest of the giant sunflowers, while we enjoyed some midday snacks, and from out of the blue she gave me what I would soon come to know as a kiss. After she kissed me I tried to comfort her, as my head slowly stopped spinning, and we fell deeper in love.

On the eleventh shooting star in the eleventh hour I wished that they would not choose to return home...but they did.

I was very troubled by this descision. She said the boys needed to grow and experiance some more things back in London. Yet there was another boy in London whom was starting to become a young gentleman. The one she had told me about, the one whom was my only threat to losing my Wendy...

The Lost Friends and myself spent the next 3 months or so living life to the fullest we could. However...I couldn't help but to think of her, until that fateful night.

I was sitting alone on the shores of Mermaid Lagoon playing my comforting Flutekazoo, when I heard her...my Wendy Darling calling for me as she was flying alone into Never Land. I was so excited to see her, I shot off the beach and flew as fast as I could to meet her.

There was a deep silence as we floated there just amidst the clouds. Each stared into the other's eyes...we held our breath, but as soon as our hearts began to grow louder and faster we rushed into each others embrace. We kissed and hugged unlike we've ever had before. That night we spent purley basking in the splendor of our love. Lying together on the shores, speaking of the good and bad times we've each had while apart. We held each other close that night, and into the morning.

Now you are caught up to today. We were lying in eachothers grasp, when I started to ask about the boys. And as she mentioned them his name slipped out...and I had to ask...how well do you like this guy? Do you spend a lot of time with him? A tear slowly began to trickle down her cheek...

While she was in London, this guy had won her heart and they were now in a serious relationship...as she told me this I thought I could have died.

Tears started streaming when she saw the look behind my eyes. And she tried to explain the burden that was on her heart, since she says she feel the strongest feelings of love for me and him...

An eternity of love seemed to have been within our reach...now that hope seems lost...

I escorted her home...I kissed her on the cheek...and hugged her, and the love it sang out to the world did not last long enough...

I let her go...and she gently glided back into her room.

We each know our love for each other is stong enough to survive...but she wants me to forget everything and move on.

I hate the very thought of that idea. The love that is there...how is it not the right thing?

i see the sun rising

2009-06-08T23:44:00.000-07:00

...im depressed

today has been a great day though...

i woke up early and lent a helping car
worked with the prek, and kindergardten kids
directed the recreation times for music camp
said goodbyes, and graduated
went to chiles with BOTH sides of my immediate family, and had an enjoyable time
received an itunes gift card, a considerably sum of cash, and a compaq notebook presarrio laptop

#6 is the outlet i sought after my late nite acts which now result in my depression.

for i have not had a laptop to myself for even a full 24 hours and ive already committed crimes against the purity and benevolence of my spiritual walk in Christ...which is redonk-cu-lo-sa because i have not enacted such sins for several months now, on the internet at least.

He is here...in spite of the disturbing feel that ive fallen from grace...and He still knocks at my door offering GRACE for me...so that He can use me.

prayer and repentance should be a daily duo and combatant against Satan's potential footholds, not just for when he has already gripped said footholds.

...

matthews music is comforting though :) http://www.myspace.com/matthewcutchen

he's my best friend. God had originally intended for us to be one person but decided that it would be too much talent and love in one being so he thus separated us into me and him. XD

well i feel a little less burdened...time for prayer. afterall i have to get up in 4 1/2 hours, which is not a lot of sleep. however God can restore me enough in order to get me through tomorrows works and services.

~goodnight~

I know what i want...

2009-06-02T15:13:00.000-07:00

There have been some really emo emotions reoccuring through my veins these last few weeks, and ive only been accepting temporary sedatives... well you don't know i guess so let me back up for you.

~~~in late march-thru early may i began, and believe to have felt the first stages of love. She is beautiful -in spite of what she says, and there seemed to be a mutually strong attraction to one another. However she has a boyfriend who has a few years advantage over me. I for one, was confused. She said she loves me and still does...just not to the fullest extent(which is reasonable for when one loves someone to the fullest extent they should be planned to spend the rest of their lives together in marriage). My problem is that i led myself onwards amidst my hopes, and dreams of my future wife...and held this girl (whom was the first to ever express such feelings for me, let alone the first person to kiss me...) to standards of agape-like love which should only be held for someones spouse...not some flourished affair of brillaint emotions, friendship, and affection.

Agape love honestly is only truly possible in a God to child relationship...and God is the ONLY one who can love us through ever circumstance, be right by our side during every second of our lives on earth and know/concur with ever thought that blinks thru our minds.

Therefore holding said girl to such standards would be irrational illogical and inconceivably futile...

which it almost has been, we've agreed to stay close friends and close friends we'll stay *Lord willing* until further notice. I've depended on God throughout most of the experiances, and the times i did He made it where i could find joy and contentment in complete and resound wholeness. Why i did not rely on Him through the every time ive spent with her is a merely a fool's enigma.

I was doing great for awhile until a couple nights ago i missed what could have been a very improtant phone call...

I do not have any bonified explainations, yet for the call other than the choppy, hormonal, and pratically tear filled voicemail that she left me. I was infuriated and depressed with my lack of faith...for i had said in some manners of speaking that "Nah God, You wouldn't some how guide us into a phone conversation, especially since its midnight! And it would be silly to call her since she's prolly already asleep, even if it was just for me to say goodnight" So, i went to bed, and awoke the next morning to find that i had missed her 2 phone calls and her haunting voicemail.

Ugh, Needless to say i was upset that day, and almost entirely consumed by the thoughts of what could have been said, and what she had potentially wanted to say to me in the conversation that only could have been...

That missed opportunity has severely caused a stumbling point in my attempts to move on with my life, for she advised me "Don't let me hold you back."

The couple days following i put it in the back of my mind. Only to find myself falling into the wantingness of a dating relationship with her (again), as the mere friendship actions and conversations filled our relationship.

Well ive been seeking God and relying on Him again. He has taught me to love passionatley the people who love me passionatley in return, such as my some of my closest friends...and family. I have indeed found more comfort, peace, hope, and joy in this habit which i should always pratice.

I hold her as one of my close friends, but will have to go through constant/vigilant prayer for self control, and contentment, in order to prevent my mind from dreaming of what all we could be...

I desire a female companion whom i can gleefully, fearfully, and passionately spend the rest of my life here along the adventure I'm journeying through on Earth, while under the Lord's guidance, love, mercy, compassion, and GRACE. ~~~

And i am just going to have to be patient in the Lord's timing for he has greater plans for me that i could never dream up myself... this is the cure to my EMOtions as long as i take it daily and genuinely, versus only taking it during the intense points.

revelation

2009-05-26T17:20:00.000-07:00

So today, on my way to pcik up my sister from piano practice, I looked out into the sky as one of my favorite songs by phil wickham played, and had a moment of complete total satisfaction. I felt fully content in every aspect of my life. Of course there are new experiances i would like to taste, and old ones i would want to revisit, but those would be extra icing on my perfectly baked cake that is my life.
As i continued to drive, as well as observe the gloriousness of the colorful sky and all that inhabit it, I tried to figure out wht i felt this way. Only to realize that i was complete in Him. I was embracing my life, by handing it over to God. Trusting Him with all the things that clutter it and potential problems that could harm it. And for ONCE in these last few weeks felt the relaxing power and blessed Hakuna Matata like emotions that are direct results of giving your life to God, and letting Him guide you, and change your life to the way He planned your life to be.
Believe it or not His dreams, goals, and plans for our lives usually are 1000x better than what we could ever make them to be. We need His help.
Are our actions and situations pleasing to Him? or does He have something better for you?

MuSic

2009-05-24T21:06:00.000-07:00

AHH music sweet sweet music...

it captures the entirety of my soul tonight

the strings consist of such beautimous instruments

Hanz Zimmer is such a magnificent composer

note after note a composition leads the imagination of the souls who dare to dream and listen

may be captured in the emotion filled stories of the measures.

On and on the messages & paintings of music can be interpreted, played, portrayed, composed, written, told, and sung in such immeasurably captivating ways.

~Take my Hand- Shawn McDonald~

Take my hand to the promise land

And on You I want to stand‘Cause I cannot do it on my own

You’re what I need and I need to be

Right by Your side ‘cause I cannot hide

Lord, I know that I need You

Na na na na na na na na na, I need You

Without You I’m so alone

I am weak but You are strong

You pick me up when I’m falling down

And I am cryingOut to You inside of my heart

I need You, Lord, oh so, for the part

I want You to have my life, Jesus

I fall to my knees

And I’m begging You, please, oh, Lord

Won’t You change me

Make me new from the inside out

I want to shout out Your name

~Gravity-Shawn McDonald~

The ways of this world are grabbing a hold

Won’t let me go, won’t let me fly by

It takes it’s toll down on my soul‘Cause I know what I need in my life

Don’t let me lose my sight of You

Don’t let me lose my sight

I don’t want to fall away from You

Gravity is pulling me on down

I don’t want to fall away from You

Gravity is pulling me to the ground

This world keeps making me cry

But I’m going to try, going to try to fly, going to fly high

Don’t want to give into the sin, want to stay in You ‘til the end

Don’t want to lose my sight of You

Don’t want to lose my sight

I want to flyInto the sky

Turn my back on this old world

Leave it all behind

This place is not my home

It’s got nothing for me

Only leaves me emptiness

And tears in my eyes

~Sailing on a Ship- Phil Wickham~

A voice is on the wind

It calls me further in

I'm heading deeper into Your heart

Your mark is on my chest

My sails filled with your breath

You guide me by the light of the stars

I'm sailing on a ship that's bound for life

I wrestle with the wind against the tide

I leave it all behind to each for more

I'm sailing on to Your golden shore

Though skies go blue to grey

And I'm thrown from wave to wave

You still will hear these lungs singing hard

With every storm I faceI find a greater grace

That pulls me deeper into Your heart

I'm sailing on a ship that's bound for life

I wrestle with the wind against the tide

I leave it all behind to each for more

I'm sailing on

To where the water's running sweet and bright

The sun is rising in the eastern sky

I leave it all behind to reach for more

I'm sailing on to Your golden shore

~Divine Romance- Phil Wickham~

The fullness of Your grace is here with me

The richness of Your beauty’s all I see

The brightness of Your glory has arrived

In Your presence God, I’m completely satisfied

For You I sing I dance Rejoice in this divine romance

Lift my heart and my hands

To show my love, to show my love

A deep deep flood, an Ocean flows from You

Of deep deep love, yeah it’s filling up the room

Your innocent blood, has washed my guilty life

In Your presence God I’m completely satisfied

enigma

2009-05-22T15:08:00.000-07:00

Idk
what im expecting from this new portal
on the internet into my vast mind *spaces for rent
1 cent for each thought*

I have never really had a blog before 5:13 today, but was completely mezmorized by the blog of someone i consider a close friend, and thereby fell into this mysterious want of a blogging space of my one...

Sailing
away
to
brighter days

~myself